


For Life's Not A Paragraph

by aimmyarrowshigh, nichestars



Series: Since Feeling Is First [6]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bloodline Compliant, Bloodline Timeline, Canon Compliant, Childhood Sweethearts, Established Relationship, First Time, Hand Jobs, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Oral Sex, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-08-13 19:24:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7983346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aimmyarrowshigh/pseuds/aimmyarrowshigh, https://archiveofourown.org/users/nichestars/pseuds/nichestars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Han has stocked the Falcon with enough fuel that they could tour most of the Mid Rim if they wanted, as his Life Day gift to Ben.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Poe and his Academy droid, BB-8, have charted a course to do some of that – not the whole Mid Rim, because they only have five days, but planet-hopping in the hyperlanes is pretty much Poe's idea of a perfect vacation.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Especially with Ben.</i>
</p><p><i>Ben, though, turns in the copilot's seat the moment they're out of atmo, gives Poe a significant look. "So, I was thinking."</i><br/>---</p><p>Or, Poe and Ben go on an interstellar road trip, and like all good coming-of-age road trip fics, it culminates in the loss of their respective virginities.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Life's Not A Paragraph

**Author's Note:**

> This is compliant with the Bloodline-timeline as best as we can interpret it. There is no Kylo Ren here. Zero Kylo Rens! Ben is 17/18 and Poe is 19/20, which puts us 5-6 years out from Ben's Fall. This isn't a torture-forgiveness or redemption arc. Also, there's repeated use of the word "kid," in the Han Solo sense of the word, not in the actual literal sense (and NEVER in a sexual context!).

In the end, the only reason they're allowed to take the Falcon is because Leia trusts Poe Dameron more than her own son, and Poe promises he'll be in the captain's seat the entire time, ma'am. Ben and Han both snicker, but Leia's already been won over by Poe's earnest eyes, and thankfully she's so used to the horrible jokes by now that they don't make a difference. Poe has to be back at the Naval Academy in five days, which means they're assured back before then. Han has stocked the Falcon with enough fuel that they could tour most of the Mid Rim if they wanted, as his Life Day gift to Ben.

Poe and his Academy droid, BB-8, have charted a course to do some of that – not the whole Mid Rim, because they only have five days, but planet-hopping in the hyperlanes is pretty much Poe's idea of a perfect vacation.

Especially with Ben.

Ben, though, turns in the copilot's seat the moment they're out of atmo, gives Poe a significant look. "So, I was thinking."

Poe sighs. While many of his best memories have started with Ben saying those words, every single time he has ever been grounded also started with Ben Solo saying, _So, I was thinking._

"I haven't even said anything yet!" Ben grins at him, pleased and all teeth. "I know you made plans, and everything, but what if we just... Ditched 'em. There's a bunk back there that pulls out to a double, and I brought condoms."

Poe swallows another sigh before it can escape, because last time he rebuffed Ben too gruffly, all of the lights in Poe's dormitory bedroom burned out. It's not Ben's fault, he knows; he just feels things so deeply and is so strong with the Force. 

"I don't know," Poe settles on. "On your dad's ship?"

"It'll be mine someday," Ben says, shrugging. His smile has settled into a frowning line. "And you love the Falcon. Where else would we do it?"

Poe shrugs and smacks at the stubborn toggle, the one that never stays up. "I don't know. I could save up and get a nice room somewhere sometime when we're both on leave again?"

Ben slumps in his seat and stares out the front of the cockpit, arms crossed. He looks all of five, mad that Poe is taller and can reach the fruit on the tree in the backyard. "Fine. It was just an idea."

The toggle falls again. Poe thinks this time, it's coincidence.

"It's not that I don't want to," Poe says. "You know that, right? You're... you're _you_. How could I not want to?"

"I dunno," Ben says, stiffly. "But in the nearly five years we've been together you've been able to resist me entirely, so I suppose I'm just used to it by now."

The toggle clicks forward into place and sticks.

"You were a _kid_ , Ben, Force." Poe sets the ship on autopilot, because it feels like he should be looking at Ben for this and he really, really does not want to crash the Millennium damned Falcon. "You're... still a kid. You know?"

Ben isn't looking at him now, though, so Poe's turned in his seat for nothing but the line of Ben's profile; his jaw is set so tight it looks painful. "You've mentioned it once or twice."

"Hey." Poe reaches out and strokes the backs of two knuckles along that sharp line of jaw. "I just... I don't want to hurt you."

 _Like I'm afraid of you_ , Ben scoffs, ringing in Poe's ears in the silence of the cockpit.

"I know you're not," Poe says, because he's never quite figured out how to whisper his thoughts back to Ben, even though Ben says it's possible. Something keeps Poe's thoughts inside his own head, no matter how hard he tries. "But _I_ am. But not afraid, just... I care so much about you that I want it to be something _good_ and do it _right_ and make sure it's worth remembering for you, and... I don't want you to feel like you have to do it just to keep me happy. You make me happy just being you."

Ben stands up, stretching, thin line of pale stomach exposed right at Poe's face as his shirt rides up. "I know." His voice is flat, but not mad. "I'll go make us some caf. I know you want to take her off auto."

Poe doesn't, though, and instead turns as much as he can in his seat to watch Ben go.

He's grown a lot since the last time they saw each other six full cycles ago. His legs are long and rangy now, knees all out of place like they're not sure where they're supposed to be. His hands are still outsized, _huge_ , like he's going to get even taller still.

He's gone for almost ten minutes, comes back with two duraplas mugs of caf and slumps into his seat again, extends one cup to Poe. "Three sugars, no milk, still?"

Poe nods, and he watches as Ben sits back in the copilot's seat and _fills_ it more than he used to. He drinks the caf, too, and it still looks more like caf than the strange purplish shade of mostly blue milk he liked before.

"What," Ben says, eyebrows drawn.

Poe shrugs and takes a sip of the caf. It's good, not too sweet. There's definitely Corellian brandy in it, so he narrows his eyes, but Ben just stares back coolly and takes another long swig of his own.

"So," Ben says. "Where to, oh captain my captain?"

“Well,” Poe says, “I thought Naboo first, and – Takodana, sometime?”

Ben's expression is carefully neutral. "Oh, I love lakes."

Poe remembers, because the first time they'd jerked each other off had been in the lake on the outskirts of the Dameron compound, a few summers ago.

Ben's eyebrows creep upwards, and he must've caught some of that, because he looks... Amused. Poe realizes belatedly that maybe he was being sarcastic about the lakes. He blushes a little, but it's just the brandy. Watches Ben over the rim of his mug.

"Anything's better than sand," Ben says, shrugging, not a confirmation or a denial. Not an apology, but not mean, either.

"Right," Poe says, although he doesn't know that he completely agrees. Beaches are nice, even if deserts seem less so – he's never been to one, so he can't say. "Kashyyyk? Or are you tired of Kashyyyk?"

Ben draws a hand over his face at that. "Ugh, you really don't want to have sex with me, do you? What is this, a romantic tour of all my most embarrassing family members?" He's thinking about Maz, on Takodana, and how Leia calls her Tía sometimes, and the strange noise in the back of his throat that is Chewbacca's name for him, a Kashyyyk family designation only Wookies could define. There's something else there too – a strange hesitance towards Naboo, projected for just a moment before Ben shakes his head and it all clears away.

"I didn't mean to," Poe says, and that's honest. "I just wanted to – they're all pretty. And different. And I didn't think it had anything to do with sex, really, I wasn't – I wasn't planning on _not_ having – "

Ben looks over at him, and this time he's not smug or angry, just – hopeful, dark eyes huge in his pale face and lips shiny from how he licks them all the time.

"So you're not totally opposed," he says. "It's something that could happen, in theory?"

"In theory," Poe says, slowly. "I mean, I figured that it'll happen, just... eventually. I wasn't thinking it would happen right now, immediately, this week."

"Well, why not?"

"What's your hurry?" Poe asks back, just as quickly.

Ben flushes, and looks away again. "I'm not – I just don't want to be a pathetic padawan virgin all my life, okay, is that so much to ask?"

Poe frowns. "You're not pathetic. And aren't all Jedi virgins? Like that's – part of the whole... thing, you do out there?"

" _You_ don't," Ben says. "Pilots. Aren't."

 _I don't want to lose you_ , pushes quietly at Poe's brain, so softly that Poe might be imagining it.

Ben's face says he isn't, though, still pinked up and a little mottled high on his cheeks, his eyes darting away.

"It's not – that's not gonna be something that makes you lose me, Ben," says Poe. "Sex, I mean. That's not the kind of thing that matters to me. It's _nice_ , when we do, you know, the stuff we do, but I don't want to get you in trouble with your..." Poe waves his hands. "Jedi stuff."

Ben blanches, big hands clenching around his mug of caf. “That’s not – whatever. Luke knows, he knows if I wasn't with you I'd probably already have done it."

"What?" Poe squeaks. "That's – mean. What does that mean?"

Frowning, Ben moves his cup from hand to hand. "I told you, I don't want to be like the others. I want to get it over with. If I weren't with you I probably would've gone to some seedy old bar like my dad likes and found someone who wouldn't mind that I'm a _kid_."

Poe makes a face. "That's... awful. Everything about what you just said was awful. I just – I don't feel like sex is a thing you _get over with_. It's like..." Poe shrugs and turns away from Ben, because he feels like – "It's... I don't know. Special."

If Poe could figure out how to show Ben his thoughts, he'd show him what he imagined when he thought about Ben like _that_. What _he_ wanted, because he did want it, just not necessarily... on the Falcon, in probably the same bunk where Ben was fucking conceived. That's weird.

But he has thought about it. Of course. He's _been_ thinking about it.

"I just meant like, losing my virginity," Ben grumbles. "You don't figure that's something that's better just... Gotten out of the way?"

"What's the difference?" Poe asks. "The whole thing of losing your virginity is having sex, isn't it? So I don't understand the difference."

Ben huffs loudly, and slumps further in his seat. "I _want_ to have sex with you. I want to lose my virginity like that, but I just was saying, if I _weren't with you_ , I probably would've tried to do it with someone else already. 'Cause it's supposed to be awkward and not great the first time, so it seems like the sort of thing you just wanna get over with. That's all I meant." He rubs his hand on his trouser leg like his palms have gone clammy. "But I am with you, obviously. Which makes it worse because I really _want to_ , and you keep saying I'm not ready."

"Oh." Poe still isn't sure he likes that, but it's better than he thought. Maybe. Sometimes talking to Ben about feelings... well, almost any time they try to talk about feelings, Poe ends up kind of confused. Also: Corellian brandy, which Poe does not sneak nearly as often as Ben does.

"How about a... compromise," Poe says carefully. "Let's go to a planet. You can pick. And if we have a good time and it feels right, then we'll see where it goes." He smiles at Ben and swivels enough that he can tap his ankle against one of Ben's. "It's my virginity too, you know. Maybe I'm kinda nervous, too."

Ben chews the inside of his cheek. "You're never nervous. But fine, okay." _What am I going to do, say no?_ his slightly dry amusement curls against Poe's mind.

Poe blinks. "I'm nervous sometimes. A lot, actually. But, okay! We're doing this! Probably." He turns back to the nav controls. "Where we goin'?"

Ben sets his mug down. "You pick. You're the one with the plan."

"You nixed Naboo?" Poe asks. The star-chart on the Falcon is enormous, but also old enough that it still shows Alderaan shining right in the heart of the Core Worlds.

"We can do Naboo," Ben says. "But we should avoid the cities, they've got absurd docking fees." He sounds so intensely like both his parents simultaneously that Poe has to grin.

"Naboo it is," he says. "Do you happen to know any ports that we can dock at for less than fifty credits? 'Cause that's my budget."

"You _planned_ on Naboo with only fifty credits?"

Poe shrugs. "So, do you? Or do you have credits?"

"Varykino," Ben says in a rush. "It's – cheap. Varykino."

"Alright." Poe programs it in, and takes the last sip of his caf. 

"And I've got credits," Ben mutters. "You don't have to worry about that."

Poe nods. "Okay. But I'm treating for food, then. Gotta spoil you _somehow_."

"I can think of a few ways," Ben says, wryly, but this time he stretches out so his knee knocks Poe's. 

Poe knows what Ben means, and maybe he's still not sure about sex, full-on real sex, but he's sure about enough to try a smile and a wink. Hands are good, especially when they aren't your own. Mouths are nice; they've done that once. That was good.

It earns him a smile, hesitant but bright across Ben's face, his cheeks quirking up as his mouth bends to accommodate it. His knee nudges Poe's upper thigh and stays there, warm and solid.

Poe takes one hand off of the controls to rest on Ben's leg instead. He should have expected some kind of... friction, drama, to arise at some point on their excursion. It always does, with Ben, but it always blows over.

The storm always passes and the sun is always brighter afterwards, with Ben. He's watching Poe now with an odd quiet intensity, mouth still off-center with a faint smile. 

“What?” Poe asks.

“You have a good face,” Ben shrugs. “I like looking at it.”

"Thanks, pal," Poe says, and he grins. "So do you."

Ben grimaces. He's pure bantha shit at taking compliments. "Shut up. Do you want more caf?"

"Not if you booze it up again," Poe says. "Chewie'll tear my arms off if I crash the Falcon."

"I would like to get somewhere today," Ben says, amused. "You want hot chocolate instead? There's packets in the galley." 

"From Lothal?" 

Poe does have a weakness for chocolate, anything chocolate. Most of what he can get at the Academy, or even on Yavin IV, is crumbly, fake stuff from Bespin. Lothal chocolate is real and rich and Poe only ever gets it around the Organa-Skywalker-Solos.

"Probably? I can check. I think there's some bang corn too." Ben gets up and leans against Poe's chair for a moment, watching him check gauges and toggles. 

There's a soft press on the top of Poe's head, the warmth of Ben's breath as he pulls back from a kiss.

Poe doesn't watch him go this time, but he grins at the control paneling, fingers tapping as he hums. "Ready for hyperspeed shift, Beebee-Ate?"

The little training droid beeps happily. [Calculations confirmed, Cadet-Poe. I am ready!]

Ben comes plodding back into the cockpit with heavy steps on those long AT-AT legs that he's still growing into, his arms full of a big bowl of bang-corn.

"I'll go back for the cocoa, the water's heating up," he mumbles. "But I found this."

"Thanks, babe." Poe tilts his head back and opens his mouth. "Toss me some? I gotta hold these kriffing toggles up."

Ben unerringly throws several pieces into Poe's mouth, and the last bounces off his nose. 

"Hey!" Poe crunches down on the grains. "I know it's a big target, but watch it."

Ben laughs. His brow creases when he looks over at the droid port. "What's wrong with your astro?"

"Nothing," Poe says, bristling. "It's a new model. One-of-a-kind." He'd been so proud when his name was announced as one of the cadets who would get to work with the new astromechs.

"It's just a ball," Ben says, and he starts to laugh. "It's _cute_ , for kriff's sake!"

"There's nothing wrong with cute," Poe says. "It has a selenium drive. It's a good droid!"

"Why is it _orange_?"

"Why not?" Poe says, and they both know why, anyway. The Rebel Alliance wore orange. Poe can pretend, if he wants. His dad had helped him paint it the last time he had a holiday, and it hadn't seemed silly at all at the time.

Ben shakes his head and leans across the gap to kiss Poe's cheek. "You're funny."

His laughter echoes behind Poe as he retreats into the guts of the Falcon, and Poe eases the ship out of hyperspace and recalculates the jump to the next leg of their route.

It takes Ben a little longer than the last time to come back with two steaming cups, and he holds Poe's until he can take it. "Pretty hot," he says. 

"Thanks," Poe grins. "That's what all the ladies tell me."

Ben doesn't smile at that. He flops into the copilot seat again and crosses one ankle over his opposite knee, foot jiggling.

Poe sighs. "Come on, it's a joke, Ben." 

"But it's not." Ben bites at his thumbnail. "I see how people think about you. They always have."

"That's..." _Creepy,_ Poe wants to say. _Not my fault._ "I'm sorry?"

Ben shrugs and keeps jiggling. "I don't want you to be sorry for it, I just wish you weren’t mad when I'm jealous."

"I don't mind you being jealous, I guess," Poe says. "It's sort of hot? When I know it's just because you love me. But if it makes you mad then it's not hot, it's just... frustrating." 

"I'm mad that we can't just be together," Ben says. "Luke can't – it doesn't matter. I just wish I could be in the same place as you. Then people would know you're mine."

"Well, everyone's going to know for the next five days," Poe says. "Gonna walk around with your arm around my shoulders and everyone else can kriff off."

Ben looks so – hopeful. "Really?"

"Yeah," Poe says, a little surprised. "I've been looking forward to this all semester, Ben."

Ben uncrosses his legs, his whole stance opening up like Poe is the sun and he can soak the affection into his skin. 

Poe puts his hand back on Ben's thigh and squeezes slightly. Ben squirms, and huffs. "You're gonna start something you don't wanna finish right now."

"I didn't say I didn't wanna do _anything_ on the ship," Poe points out.

"Just the one thing I really want," Ben says, but it's teasing, and his big hand has settled over Poe's. "Just the one thing I'm literally _begging_ for."

"I guess that's not my kink." Poe shrugs. He winks to soften it, just in case. He wants to keep Ben smiling.

Ben actually laughs. "What do you think is, then?"

Poe goes so red it's almost maroon. "I don't think I have any kinks! I'm – just, normal. I don't know. My kink is you."

Ben's face quirks, an awkward blend of smile and embarrassment. "You are normal." Still, he doesn't sound upset about it; just fond, a little wistful. It sounds like a compliment when he says it.

"Well," Poe shrugs, wishing his face would go back to a _normal_ shade. 

Ben nods towards the console. "You're gonna miss the exit point."

"Shit," Poe mutters. "Thanks." He jutters the deceleration more than he'd like, and something in the vicinity of the thrusters makes a very unpleasant noise. But they're fine. The ship isn't _more_ of a wreck, at least. 

Ben gives him a shoulder bump as they get up, and knocks their hands together as they shuffle out into the lounge area. 

"How much is the fee here?"

Ben looks uncomfortable again. "Nothing," he says. "It's my mom's."

"We can't just – " 

"Yes, we can," Ben says. "Believe me, it's one of the few actual perks."

"So, what?" Poe asks as they disembark onto a woven-brick terrace. The cliffside hangs over a lake so deep that the blue of its water looks indigo. "Your mom just casually owns a palace?"

"It's a manor." 

"A manor. Excuse me." Poe shakes his head. The sky is full of gently puffed clouds, like a mural. 

A great white bird, its wingspan as broad as an x-wing, glides over the crest of umbrella-shaped green trees.

"Come on," Ben says. "We should have the place to ourselves."

Poe feels very small and very... normal, in the face of the shining copper-gilt walls and turrets of his boyfriend's palace. Manor.

"Hey," Ben says, clutching at his hand. "You're the one who suggested Naboo."

He did. Poe had wanted to see these trees, hadn't he, and the lakes and palaces? He'd wanted to see the remnants of the Old Republic since he was a child.

"If we take our stuff in, I can show you around before it gets dark," Ben says, tugging Poe's hand. "We could even go swimming. Or wait until later and do it naked."

A spike of heat goes through Poe's belly. "Maybe that. For the adventure."

Ben smiles, shyly, and leans into Poe. "Alright. Come on." 

The house might as well be a palace: Poe's been in a few fancy homes – when his dad visits war buddies who went into politics, or when his instructors at the academy invite the best students to their homes for meals – but none of them quite like this. Everything is smooth cold stone, brown turning pink in the sunset, and greenery draping over walls. There are a few staff, who each greet Ben like he's royalty, buzz around them for a moment before returning to their work: Poe is introduced to the head of the gardens, and to the keeper of the house, and to the senior cook, who's emerged to see if _young Master Ben_ is really here.

"Did they just call me 'sir'?" Poe whispers as the tall, stately Gungan bustles back into the kitchens.

"Her name is Noni," Ben whispers back. "And probably. She knows all the old traditional manners, like, the Noble Houses customs and shit."

Poe nods, and he stares around the broad hall with his jaw slightly dropped. Even with the thick, heavy stone, the room feels airy and delicate. Dust glitters in the sunlight as it floats through the streaks of brightness through the windows and into patches on the shining floor.

"Do you, uh, come here a lot?" Poe asks. He's too distracted by the portraits above the long table to look at Ben. "With your parents?"

"Almost never," Ben says. "Mom doesn't like it, she just owns it. I've come here with Luke."

When they come to the end of the hallway alongside the main courtyard, Ben shoves open double doors to reveal a large, open suite. There's a bed with diaphanous yellow curtains draped over the posters, and a lounge in front of wide transparisteel glass doors. Outside, there's a balcony – and then beyond, blue water, reflecting the last of the sunlight. "It's a mirror pool," Ben says, and Poe comes over to see; it must be fed by the lake, but it's raised slightly, white tile and stone sectioning it off.

The breeze ripples the reflection in the aquamarine water, first Ben's face and then Poe's blurring and reforming. A tiny red bird, small enough that Poe thinks it could sit happily on his thumb, lands on the skin of the water and doesn't sink at all, hopping forward and leaving barely any rise in its wake.

"It's beautiful here," Poe says, and he means it.

"I thought you'd like it," Ben nods to himself. Poe is mildly surprised – Ben hadn't mentioned thinking anything of the sort. But he's sure a thousand things go through Ben's head beside the thousand that he ever does voice.

"Do you guys, uh, own any other palaces – "

"Manors."

"Manors on any other planets? Maybe tomorrow we can swing by the 20-bedroom on Birren or something?"

"No," Ben says. "Dad never had a family and Mom's Alderaanian. We have a hovel on Tatooine if you're curious about moisture farming."

Poe knows this, of course, feels bad for a moment to remind Ben about his mother and Alderaan, but Ben doesn't seem particularly hurt. Just matter of fact. "It's beautiful here. Thanks for letting me stay."

Ben nods and folds his newly-broad arms along the railing that separates the balcony from the long fall down. His dark hair flutters back from his face in a breeze. "Still wanna go to Takodana tomorrow or stay here?" He looks at Poe in the corner of his eye. "There's staff here, but at least they haven't seen _your_ embarrassing baby pictures. Maz's seen us both."

Poe laughs. Ben looks like royalty, here, with the manor in the background and the soft sky framing his profile. "I could be convinced to stay," he admits.

Ben smiles, satisfied and self-possessed, with all of his teeth. 

He does look older than the last time Poe saw him, even though it was only six cycles ago. He's always imagined that Ben's life in the Jedi crèche is peaceful and quiet and not all that conducive to – growing up, gaining life experience, whatever it is that getting older means outside of meditation and self-control and peace. But maybe it's not that way.

Ben doesn't ever talk about it, and Poe feels strange asking, but maybe he should. Maybe later tonight. Ben twines his fingers through Poe's, so big they gather Poe's up easily, and leans into him, and – maybe not tonight.

"When'd you get taller than me, huh, pal?" Poe asks softly, and he kisses Ben's fingers.

"While you were away being a hotshot flyboy," Ben says, he tugs their hands to his own mouth, kisses Poe's knuckles.

Poe smiles, looks up at Ben, tries not to feel an ache of loss that they see each other so rarely now that last time, they were the same, and now he has to look _up_ to see the pink of Ben's lips.

"I can't help it," Poe says, "if I wasn't there to kick ass and look good doing it, what would happen to the galaxy?"

Ben shrugs. "Absolute chaos, probably. It's bad enough as it is." He looks out across the balcony and the water beyond.

He's still got Poe's hands held in his, close to his chest. It's broader than before, too, Ben's shoulders as wide as Poe's now. Poe can feel Ben's heart beating under his shirt.

Ben leans his chin down to rest on Poe's head, one of his hands slipping out of Poe's to touch his waist, pull him in a little tighter.

"Maybe we should go inside?" Poe suggests, pulling back a little. They're standing awfully close, and if he can feel Ben's heart Ben can certainly feel his, racing wild.

Ben nods, his chin pressing into the top of Poe's skull the same way Han and Luke used to grab the both of them and playfully grind a fist against the crowns of the two troublemaking little boys' heads, once upon a time. Poe scrunches his face and gives Ben his best glare.

Ben just smirks. It spreads slowly from the corner of his mouth and makes Poe want to bite at his lip just to get that _look_ off his face. 

"Sure," Ben says. "Y'hungry?"

"Starving," Poe admits. The bangcorn from earlier is long gone. He's used to three protein-packed meals a day, always at the same stated time, and now his stomach is growling.

"I feel bad," Poe says, following him back through the bedroom. "Shouldn't we at least comm your mom to let her know we're here?"

Ben shrugs and shakes his head. "She’s busy. And anyway, she wouldn’t care. They thought we just wanted to go to the Lower Levels and get a motel room. At least this is free. And clean."

Poe grimaces. "Come on, they didn't... really think that..." He hopes not, anyway. He really, really hopes not.

Ben levels him with a look. "Of course they did. They think we've been fucking for years." He grins. "I haven't exactly been trying that hard to disabuse them of the idea."

Poe leans all his weight on his heels, skidding on the marble floor of the hallway. "That's not funny, Ben, come on."

Ben is still holding tight to Poe's fingers ahead of him. He looks over his shoulder. "It's a little funny."

"I'm insulted, honestly," Poe frowns. "I want your mom to _like_ me, kriff." His frown edges deeper at the ridiculousness of this. "I thought she _did_ like me! Surely she knows me better than to think... Ugh. Ben."

Ben's smile changes, just slightly. "She does like you. She hopes I'm being careful with you." The broad grin returns. "So come on, let's go feed you. You ever had five-blossom bread?" Ben asks over his shoulder as he starts loping down the hall again, gently urging Poe to follow. "It's one of my favorites."

"Nope," Poe says, trying to sort through the tangle of thoughts in his head. He's still sort of horrified that Ben's parents apparently think he's been _having sex_ with their son all this time, but at least they still like him? Trust him, somehow?

Ben stops walking again, his shoulders straightening up. When he looks over his shoulder again at Poe, his eyebrows are drawn low and his mouth is small and unhappy. "You're sad. Why are you sad?"

"You just told me that your parents think we've been doing stuff that we haven't," Poe says, a little annoyed that Ben can sense his mood but not _basic conversation cues_.

"Right." Ben keeps frowning. "We haven't. People think all kinds of things about each other that aren't true. I mean, your dad thinks that I use Jedi mind-tricks on you, and I don't. But I'm not sad about it, that much."

"I've told him that you don't," Poe says. It just seems different. Ben's admitted he didn't even correct what his parents think of them.

Ben looks – touched, by that. Less pinched. "Really?"

Poe sighs, and tugs Ben's hand, pulling him in a little, leaning their arms together. "Yeah. Because I don't want him thinking something about you that's _not true_." He gives Ben a significant look.

Ben blinks. "Oh. Is that what you're sad about? Just that they – but it's not like sex is _bad_. Most beings do it."

Poe just resists rolling his eyes and instead plants a loud kiss on Ben's cheek, as high as he can reach easily. "No, but like. You're really young, and I'm older than you are, and I don't want your parents to think we're being irresponsible."

Ben leans down to kiss the top of Poe's head. "I'm not that young anymore. And you're mine, and I'm yours, and that makes it okay. Doesn't it?"

"Why do we have to have these conversations in hallways? Or while we're in hyperspace?" Poe tilts his face so that Ben can kiss his mouth, and tightens his grip on his hand, so there's no room for misunderstanding. "I know that, and you know that, but sometimes you gotta think about how it looks to other people, babe."

"I don't care about other people." Ben says it casually, and his mind brushes lightly against Poe's to underscore it. "I care about you."

"And I care about you," Poe promises. "But part of that is caring that people don't think I'm taking advantage of you, or something."

Ben cocks his head like a canidian tilting its fuzzy ears to hear inaudible songs. "Huh." He shakes himself slightly and starts towards the kitchen again. "Well, don't worry. No one thinks that."

Later, after Noni has set out plates of cheese and fruit and berries and the bread that Ben insists is his very favorite, and they've eaten their fill on stools around her large kitchen counter, Poe makes their excuses to say goodnight. Ben is antsy from socializing, even with only the cook, and he's been twining his ankle around Poe's, rubbing their knees together, all through the meal.

Something slightly squishy bounces off the back of Poe's head. Ben's eyes are wide and innocent, but Poe can see his hand just beneath the table's edge, directing – whatever it is, with the Force.

"Quit," Poe says. There's no heat behind it. The thing bounces against his hair again and he slaps his hand back to swat – "A pear?"

"You can take a plate to your rooms with you," Noni says, coming over with a new tray of hot little sticky buns. "Dessert for later, and some of those pears, if you want them."

Ben smirks.

The way she says _your rooms_ and _for later_. And Ben’s smirk. Poe's ears feel hot.

He stumbles over his thanks and takes the plate, nudging Ben down off his stool.

Ben somehow makes straightening out his long legs and shifting his hips just enough to stand look... dirty. Seductive, maybe, is the nicer word, Poe thinks. His tunic rides up just enough to give Poe a peek at the pale skin of his belly, and there's no way it was an accident.

"Come on," Poe mutters, chewing the inside of his cheek.

The pear bounces against the back of his head all the way back through the labyrinth of hallways. 

Poe turns around in the foyer and Ben grins as Poe just barely catches the pear before it hits his nose. 

"After you," Poe says, graciously. He takes a bite of the damned pear. "I don't know, which, um. Room."

Ben shrugs and steps ahead, leading them across the open space to a hallway that does, now, look somewhat familiar. "We could stay in any of them, but this one's closest to the water."

Poe swallows the food and wipes juice away from his lips with the back of his wrist. "I liked that room. I liked the view."

"It'll be better if we do go swimming," Ben says, glancing back at him. "Naked."

Poe's chest warms. "I seem to remember that being a lot of fun. With you."

"So do I," Ben laughs, and pushes the door open. "It's almost dark enough, now, no one will see."

Poe nods and tugs Ben down by the hair with his free hand so he can kiss him in the doorway.

"Let me take that," Ben says, smushed against Poe's mouth, and the plate comes out of Poe's hands, drifts away towards the bedside table.

“Show off," Poe whispers. He winds his second hand around Ben's neck.

“You show off at flying,” Ben says. “I show off at this. We’re not that different.” He bites down on Poe’s lower lip.

Poe huffs. Ben could just as easily mean that he shows off at kissing as at using the Force, because kriff, he's a good kisser. It makes Poe's knees wobble when Ben gently swipes at his lower lip with the tip of his tongue.

Ben steps forward, backing Poe up against the doorframe, and getting a knee between Poe's – half to steady him, and half to bring their bodies closer.

It's different, being the shorter one, when Ben leans in to grind their hips together slowly.

"We could just – " Ben shivers up against him, digging his fingers into Poe's waist.

Poe drags his teeth over Ben's lip as he pulls away and shakes his head. "You promised me swimming and dessert and a fancy night in a Naboo palace."

"Manor."

"Manor. I'm not putting out that easy."

"You could, just for once." Ben is whining, a little, tucking his face against Poe's neck and sucking at the muscle where it curves into his shoulder.

Poe shivers and lets his head thunk back against the doorframe. "Nuh-huh. I demand the lap of luxury first."

Ben's teeth drag over Poe's collarbone, where he's pulled the collar of Poe's shirt open. "I'm a prince, technically. Isn't my lap luxurious enough for you?"

"Ha." It's breathier than Poe intended. "Good one."

Ben giggles, and then sighs, backing away. "Fine. Come on, I want to touch you more."

Poe's shirt is already unbuttoned halfway down his chest, so Poe finishes taking it off as he steps into the enormous bedroom. He can hear the heavy door shut behind them and the rasp of the lock for good measure.

When he turns around, Ben's already stripped out of his shirt, and is hopping on one leg to shake off his trousers.

"Oh!" Poe shrugs out of his own shirt. "That was fast. Okay. Hello."

"I told you," Ben says, "Wanna touch you. Come on, Poe." Ben's cock is already straining against the front of his underwear. "It's been forever," Ben says, quieter. "I missed you."

Poe nods and starts to undo his belt, fingers clumsy and hot on the buckle as Ben approaches.

"I almost came to Hosnian Prime," Ben says, hands joining Poe's on the fly of his trousers. "Early, I mean. I wanted to just show up at the Academy and demand to see you."

Poe's not sure whether Ben's really trying to help undo the row of buttons or just worm his fingers through enough to thumb the head of Poe's dick to make him grunt desperately.

"I thought about flying out to see you, too," Poe admits. He manages to get the last button undone and starts to shimmy his pants down his hips. "Didn't want to get you in trouble."

"You couldn't get me in trouble," Ben laughs, and licks his lips, staring blatantly down between them.

"I guess not," Poe says. "You're the one always tempting – ah, danger, aren't you?" He sucks a breath through his teeth as Ben reaches up through the leg-hole of Poe's briefs and gets his hand around his dick.

"You like it," Ben says, panting now, bent to rest his head against Poe's shoulder. He seems unable to look away from the movement of his hand beneath Poe's underwear.

Poe nods, turning his face so that he can press his nose into Ben's hair. It always smells good. 

Poe's hands grip at Ben's hips, his thumbs tucked just into the waistband of his thin underwear. He drags his nails lightly against the hollow, sharp wings of Ben's hipbones as Ben curls his hand in a particularly delicious way.

"I want you," Ben says, backing them up towards the bed, kissing Poe's neck again. "Can't we – just – "

Most of Poe can't remember why he should say no. Most of Poe wants to say yes – _is_ saying yes – so loudly that he can hear his own ragged breath echoing against Ben's damp neck loud as the roar of the Falcon lifting off.

Ben bites down at the curve of Poe's shoulder, digging his teeth in. He's edging at Poe's mind, too, tentative and hopeful.

"I – " Poe rocks his hips into Ben's hand. "Well, I guess – ah – "

The images Ben is sending through his head are _filthy_ , to the point where Poe wonders where Ben's even heard of these things.

Ben pushes his knee up between Poe's, grinding their thighs together. _I want you,_ he says again, louder in Poe's mind than it had been in Ben’s newly deep voice.

It's all too much, Ben's big warm hand on his cock and the pressure of his muscle and skin and the rhythm of his breath, and the picture of Ben _licking_ Poe's – he's never even _considered_ that but it's pulsing across the top of his mind like a waterfall – 

"Do you want that?" Ben stills his hand, suddenly, cupping but barely any pressure besides. "D'you want me?"

"I – do, but..." Poe exhales shakily against Ben's ear. "I'm nervous. And... close. Already."

Ben's hand tightens reflexively, and the plate on the bedside trembles, clattering against the table top. "Me too. Doesn't matter, Poe – ”

The _yes_ is on the edge of Poe's teeth when he comes, wet all over Ben's hand and into his briefs.

"Kriff – fuck, sorry, I – " Poe _is_ sorry, but mostly he feels satisfied and buzzy, warm in Ben's arms and breathing in the thick scent of him. He's missed this. He's missed Ben.

Ben slides his hand free from Poe's messy underwear and shoves it down his own, whimpering.

"Hey," Poe says, between gulping breaths. He slides Ben's underwear down over his ass and hips and they flutter down the length of his gangly legs. "Hey – just – wait a minute? And let me?"

Ben nods, and steps back, out of his underwear. He's shaking all over, staring at Poe with big dark eyes.

The want is pouring out of him so fully that Poe can feel it, the vibrations through the Force that Ben sends out without meaning to, like a dark, sucking pool that's pulling Poe in closer. He's already shucked his own messy pants, too.

"Come on," he says, "we were going to swim, weren't we? Like before." 

Ben licks his lips and nods, again, more desperately. He's broadcasting now – not in Poe's head but his thoughts too loud to stay in his own. He still wants to fuck, but he likes the idea of recreating their first time, too.

Poe runs his hands down Ben's arms, down his sides. Gentles him. "Come on. It'll be good."

"Yeah," Ben mutters, and blinks, follows Poe out onto the balcony, his sticky hand grasping Poe's. 

The air is cool, but the water is almost warm as they step into the mirror pool ankle-deep.

Poe kisses Ben's shoulder, just where it curves into a rather impressive tricep. A few months ago, he'd shown Poe his new lightsaber over holocall. The work's been paying off.

Ben stumbles deeper into the pool and pulls Poe with him.

Above them, the moons light the sky bright enough that Poe can see Ben clearly. His nipples are hard. Poe wants to bite them. Or maybe Ben wants him to bite them? It's hard to tell, like their lust is bouncing off one another and amplifying.

He tries it, anyway, shoves Ben deeper into the water with hands on his chest and then holds him there, bends his head to mouth over Ben's nipples one after the other.

"Fuck," Ben grits again, "Poe. I need it." He pauses before he says, "Please."

It lights Poe up, Ben asking like that. He slides his hands down the soft skin of Ben's sides and digs his thumbs into his hips.

"Kiss me?" He leans up so that Ben doesn't have as far to go, and then he swallows the rumbling groan when Poe finally gets his fist around Ben's cock.

They're swaying, just over waist deep in the mirror pool, and Ben's voice breaks as he moans.

Poe kisses across Ben's collarbone and marvels at how much broader it is now than it was when they did this the first time.

"You could – " Ben presses up against Poe's chest, all damp and slick skin. He grabs Poe's hand, the one not on his cock, and slides it around his waist, nudges it down towards his ass.

"You sure?"

It's not like Poe's never thought about it. He's tried doing it to himself, even, on the rare occasion that no one else is in the dormitory and he can take his time. He's not so into it, fingering himself, but the idea of doing it to _Ben_... everything about Ben is always so warm, he's gotta be so hot inside. Poe's mouth is dry.

 _Don't make me ask,_ Ben thinks, sharp, embarrassed.

Poe kisses him again, softer this time. "Okay. I don't know if water's slick enough. I don't want to hurt you."

"I don't care," Ben mutters, "It doesn't matter." The feedback between the two of them in the Force confirms it. Ben believes everything he's saying.

Poe's eyebrows twitch – it matters to him – but he also wants to make Ben _shatter_.

"Please," Ben says. "At least _touch_ me, Poe, kriff's sake. Even if you're not – " and that means he must be close, if he's desperate enough not to argue how much he wants.

"Okay, okay." Poe curves his palm over Ben's ass, just touching until he can feel the tension relax from how tight Ben's holding every muscle in his body. 

He doesn't push _in_ , then, because he wants to do this right if they're gonna do it, but he rubs his fingertip over the place Ben wants. It's a tease, but a good one.

Ben rocks up on his toes and wraps his arm around Poe's neck, clinging to him. "Fuck." For a moment there's nothing he wants more than this, right here, and Poe can feel it like pure light surging through their connection.

"That's it," Poe whispers, trying hard to coordinate the rhythm between his hands. "That feels good, right?"

Ben whines, and leans his forehead against Poe's. The water is lapping up between their stomachs as Poe's hand speeds up on Ben's cock, and Ben's hips snap up into the touch.

Poe's chest and belly feel warm inside as he starts to get hard again, too, spurred on by the sounds Ben is making. Ben might be taller now, but the way he's melted against Poe makes him feel... powerful.

Ben comes with a gasp, hot up Poe's chest, as far as the hollow of his throat.

Poe dots kisses all over Ben's face, all along his nose and touching each of the dark moles that make up a constellation across his cheeks.

Ben leans back, and his thoughts are tangled enough that Poe can't be sure whether he's leaning away from the hand on his cock or into the hand on his ass.

Poe leaves the hand on his ass, but he slowly eases his fingers away from Ben's dick, softening in his hand.

"You got me all messy," he says mildly. "I don't mind, though."

"I like it," Ben says, voice gone hoarse, toes bumping Poe's under water. "Cover you in it," he murmurs, turning his face against Poe's throat.

Poe pulls Ben even closer and rests both of his hands over Ben's bum. "Good thing we've got all this water."

Ben is already hard at work on a leaving a lovebite over Poe's carotid. The sting says it will be dark purple and stay for days.

The whole world is only as big as every place they're touching, the water licking up between their bodies and making soft ripples in the dark around them.

"Hey," Poe murmurs, his hands stroking circuits over Ben's back, admiring how smooth and broad it is, how warm and close. "I love you, you know."

Ben laughs, a rumbling that Poe can feel under his fingertips. "Yeah. Love you." He leans back to admire the work he's done at Poe's throat and shoulder.

He hums, running his index finger over the black-purple mark in the perfect shape of his mouth. It's a low sound, deep in his chest and rumbly. It sounds like the thunder that's somewhere off in the distance, beyond the line of trees and lakes.

It makes something in Poe go pliant and warm and buzzy. He tilts his neck so that there's more skin for Ben to touch. He struggles to concentrate on words. "Maybe we should go in? That sounds like it's getting closer." 

Ben laughs again. "I can protect you from a little lightning."

"Okay, hotshot." Poe makes a face. "I don't think the Jedi can control _weather_."

"Shows what you know," Ben snorts.

It's fair: Poe doesn't know very much about what Ben does out there with Luke Skywalker and the other padawan learners. Dad doesn't know much about the truth of the Jedi, either; no one does. It's all legend. And of course in legends, the bad guys can shoot lightning from their hands themselves and the good guys can heal burns. That's how stories work.

But maybe they're true. Maybe Ben is a fairytale. Poe could believe that.

Ben sighs and grips Poe's waist a little tighter, presses their foreheads together so their mouths brush. 

Poe wonders if Ben can tell what he's thinking.

Maybe they've finally cracked it. The code so that Ben can get into Poe's head the same way he can send his thoughts to Poe.

"No," Ben says, a little suddenly. "Just – feelings. Like an impression, but not the actual thoughts." He sounds frustrated, but not in the storm cloud way Poe is used to. He seems mellow with the sex and their surroundings.

"But you knew," Poe points out. "What I was thinking, just now."

"You were curious. Wanting," Ben says, his voice tight. "You're not hard to read that way."

Poe kisses Ben's throat just where it's softest beneath his Adam's apple. "I want a lot of things." He leans into Ben and strokes his fingers just under the curve of Ben's ass. "And I know you do too."

A barrage of hot-wet images flash through Poe's head as Ben leans in closer, nodding. Overhead, the thunder rolls louder.

"Come on," Poe says, and scoops up a hand of water to wash Ben's chest clean. "I want to go to bed. With you."

Ben's eyes are huge as he nods and lets Poe lead him by the hand.

They're still dripping when they get into bed, Poe climbing up onto the mattress on his knees and Ben following, eyes burning across Poe's thighs, cheeks flushed when Poe catches him.

"I can get the condoms," Ben huffs against Poe's chest as he starts to kiss his way down Poe's ribs.

"Uh," Poe says, and Ben must be able to feel the wash of nerves that sweeps through him, must.

Ben is gentle as he nuzzles into Poe's side, the ticklish stretch beneath his ribs and before the sharp bone of his hip. "Love you."

Poe sucks a breath in between his teeth and stretches luxuriously. Ben being this tender sets off fires under his skin, star bursts behind his eyelids. "I love you, fuck, Ben."

Ben grins, full-on with all of his white teeth and his brain is radiating joy into Poe so hard and loud it's like a gong was struck in Poe's head. "That's the idea. Please." Kisses drizzle across Poe's tummy.

"I want to," Poe promises, propping up on his elbows to look down at Ben.

Ben can't seem to stop touching Poe, and his hands are so warm and _big_ now. Poe feels like he could get swallowed whole.

Poe bites his lip. "But I want to suck you, too. And if we – if we did that first, it could be like we were working up to... The rest, you know?"

Ben nods and keeps nuzzling against Poe's front. "Can do that. Want that, too. Want you everywhere."

His face is just to the right of Poe's belly button, and Poe's chest heaves trying to keep his breathing steady.

"Okay," Poe says, trying to sound steady and confident. "Okay."

"Okay?" Ben's whole face is split in a smile, and he mouths at Poe's hipbone.

Poe pushes his fingers through Ben's hair to move it out of his face. His eyes are almost glowing.

"When you suck me," Ben murmurs, dragging his teeth against the soft inside of Poe's hip. "Will you use your fingers too?"

"Fuck," Poe whispers. He clears his throat and nods. "Yeah. Do you have slick, too? With the, um." _Condoms._

"So much slick," Ben says. He bites down at the crease of Poe's thigh. "Enough I could do you, after, if you wanted."

Poe isn't sure that he's ready for that, or would really – he's just not sure. But he nods anyway and traces the shell of Ben's ear. "Can you get it? For – you, now, I mean."

"Yeah." Ben grins. "Just had to ask." The slick drops into the sheets beside Poe's hand.

Ben never left the bed, so Poe mutters _show-off_ again at the blatant misuse of the Force. All the same... he's glad that he got to keep Ben's skin pressed close.

 _I'm sorry I want you so badly?_ Ben says, with the arch of his eyebrows and a smug infliction even in Poe's head.

Poe kisses Ben's shoulder. “Don't be.”

Ben leans up enough that they can kiss properly, his fingers running up the insides of Poe's thighs.

Poe shivers as he gets harder and the tip of his cock brushes Ben's belly.

Ben sucks Poe's lower lip between his teeth and lets it go, ducks down so that his cheek touches Poe's cock, and looks up at him.

Poe wonders what Ben is picking up from his emotions right now, as he stares down at Ben rubbing his cheekbone over the shaft of Poe's dick, his dark eyes _hungry_ and his mouth red and shiny and beautiful.

Frankly _Poe_ isn’t sure what's what in the current blend of hazy arousal and fondness and surprise and relief and – 

_Mine_ , Ben says, and closes his mouth over the head of Poe's cock.

Poe groans, his eyes fluttering closed. Ben's mouth is so _hot_ and it's soft and slick inside and his _tongue_ – 

_Is this what you thought about?_ Ben is prodding at him more insistently than usual, loud like a child banging on a door for their mother. _Did you think about me? Did you think about my mouth? Was it like this?_

Ben's teeth scrape a little when he tries to go down further, and all Poe can do is arch his back and try not to shove his hips up, because he still wants more.

 _You can_ , Ben murmurs in his head. _I want all of it, I want to still feel it tomorrow._

Poe's eyes pop open and stare at the ceiling, at the _gilt-filigree ceiling_ in the fucking _manor_ where his _boyfriend who is a prince_ is trying to convince him to choke him with his dick.

"What the fuck," Poe slurs, still staring up at the elaborate, gorgeous carvings of the ceiling and the high posts on the big bed.

 _Please_ , Ben thinks, and it echoes in Poe's head like it’s bouncing off a wall. _Please, I need – I don't want to think, I just want it all to be you –_

Poe's brow furrows. There's – something in that, but he's – he doesn't have enough blood left in his brain to deal with that right now, not when Ben is slurping his way down his cock again.

Ben has an awful gag reflex, they've laughed about it as kids eating ice pops in summer under the tree in Poe's backyard, so it's not a surprise when he chokes, a horrible wet noise around Poe's cock. Horrible and _hot_ , and Poe wants to strike that thought from the record but Ben isn't stopping, so maybe it's... Okay.

Ben pulls off long enough to cough and rub his eyes and his hand moves so fast over Poe's cock that it makes a loud, obscene sound. Poe's cheeks feel hot.

"'M'good," Ben croaks, and then he's licking into the slit of Poe's cockhead and Poe is the one gurgling.

He pushes his hand back through Ben's hair and rubs at the nape of his neck, the way he used to when they were little and Ben would get headaches, lay his head in Poe's lap. Ben's head is in Poe's lap now, but the differences make Poe flush and squirm.

 _Safe_ , whispers through Poe's head. Maybe this is what it's like to get the emotions without the words, the way Ben feels when Poe's touching him. _Happy._

Poe squeezes the back of Ben's neck and digs his thumb into the tendon where it runs down to his shoulder and is always too tense. Ben goes so soft under his palm that it's frightening for a moment; his eyelashes flutter and he moans, sucking at the head of Poe's cock messily.

 _Please,_ Poe makes out, and then, _Make me be good_.

"Hey," Poe groans, "Ben, you're – good, you're so good – this is, it's good. Really good."

Ben shudders and pushes himself down, further on Poe's dick, lips stretching thin around him, spit on his chin.

Poe can feel the spasm in Ben's neck before he gags again and has to pull up to cough, his face pressed against Poe's hip. 

"Hey," Poe says, as gently as he can while he's breathing so hard. He strokes Ben's hair. "Calm down, okay? It's – all of it's good. It's okay."

Ben's mouth moves for a moment against Poe's skin before any real words come out. "I like – it. I like how it feels – I – " _I am calm,_ he tries, softer, in Poe's head. _It helps, when I just focus on you._ "You aren't hurting me," he says, glancing up. "If that's – what you're worried about."

Poe nods, looking down at Ben's red face and wet eyes. "Promise?"

"Promise." Ben kisses his hipbone with damp lips and carefully angles Poe's cock with one hand, licks up from the base to the tip. "I like it."

Poe nods again. "Okay. You'd tell me if you didn't, right?"

Ben blinks up at him. "Yeah?" He looks amused. "There's not... A lot... You could let me do I wouldn't like, Poe."

Poe believes him.

For better or worse, anyway, Poe believes him.

He touches Ben's slippery lower lip with the pad of his thumb. "Then... I guess you're not done yet, are you."

It's over pretty quickly once Ben gets his mouth on him again. His tongue is rough when he licks the precome from Poe's slit and he slurps awkwardly fitting the head back into his mouth, but it doesn't matter. Poe's so close, and Ben is _so_ eager.

The pressure and the suction are too good and his big hand can wrap all around Poe's cock easily and Ben is humming this time, quiet tuneless tone-deaf vibration that Poe can feel through his veins. Poe moves his hand off Ben's neck, a little afraid of what his reflexes might do: he's close enough he can feel it. He twists his hands into the sheets on either side of his body instead. Trying to get a purchase on the smooth bedspread is as futile as trying to ward off the building heat in his belly.

Ben eases a little further down on his cock, so his lip touches his thumb, and Poe closes his eyes because nothing will be better than that visual in the entire world, ever. And then Ben swallows. Poe can _feel_ it, and he'd thought Iolo was kidding, but – 

The noise Poe makes when he comes would be humiliating if he had enough awareness at the moment to care.

The noise Ben makes when Poe comes would be equally humiliating, but the truth is that neither of them are aware enough to care, at all.

Come dribbles out of Ben's mouth as he pulls back, eyes watering, but he catches it on the side of his hand and licks it back up.

"You don't have to do that," Poe tries to say, although it comes out slurry. He feels like he's a rag doll, limbs heavy and stuffed with cotton.

Ben makes a show of swallowing. "I know." His voice is scratchy and thick as he fights down another cough.

Poe reaches out for him, tracing his jaw and touching gently at his raw-looking mouth. "Come up here, please?"

Ben clambers up the length of Poe's body and curls up over him, his face pressed into the curve of Poe's jaw.

Poe tries to wrap his still-floppy arms around Ben's back. "Thanks."

"Thank you," Ben mumbles into Poe's collarbone. His cock is pressing into Poe's belly where they're lying against each other. Ben is heavy, but it's comforting weight.

"I really was planning to do you first," Poe says. "But that was a nice surprise."

Ben makes a little noise and burrows deeper into Poe's chest. "I'm happy to do it. I like it."

This might be Poe's favorite Ben: the one who's soft and sweet and readily admits what he wants or likes. He pets the curve of Ben's spine protectively, and kisses his sweaty hair. "You're really good at it."

Ben makes another noise, happier, and starts to work at the hickey he's already left on Poe's neck. It's going to be a _wound_ by the time he's done, Poe thinks vaguely, but he doesn't mind.

"You going to let me do you?" Poe asks, rubbing lazy circles around Ben's shoulder blades with his fingers. They feel even broader like this, bracketing Poe against the mattress. It's nice.

Ben nods and lifts his teeth away from Poe's neck just long enough to say, "Fingers, too."

"Right," Poe says, exhaling through his teeth. "Yeah." As if he hasn't gotten himself off before just thinking about that, in Ben's absence.

Ben squirms, and it nudges his hard cock up against Poe's softening one. 

Poe makes a definitely elegant, masculine noise, and Ben snorts a laugh into Poe's skin.

"Hey, bud," Poe says, and he pats Ben's bum. "You gotta get off me."

"Do I?" Ben rubs his face against Poe's neck. "You can reach my ass, obviously."

"Do – you not want my mouth?" Poe strokes over the almost-flat curve of Ben's butt thoughtfully.

Ben shivers and grinds down against Poe's stomach. "I don't know. I want – you know what I _want_ , I just..." He sighs so deeply that Poe can feel his ribs expanding. "Yeah, I want your mouth."

Poe catches him for a kiss before Ben can move too far away. "I'll make it good for you, too," he promises.

"I know," Ben says, mumbled up against Poe's lips. "Come on, I need you."

"Impatient," Poe chides, but he kisses whatever of Ben he can reach to soften it – just in case – as he reaches across the bed for the tube of slick.

Ben slides off him to lay on his back in the sheets, reaching for his cock. "You said this could be, like. Working our way up to sex, right?" He says, quietly.

Poe looks down at him, pausing in his attempts to open the lube bottle without getting it everywhere.

Ben's eyes are still a little red, the lashes clumped together with wet, and his mouth is _so red_. His enormous hands and feet make Poe's heart hurt with how much he wants to make this boy happy and keep him safe.

"Yeah," Poe says. "If you still want. Yeah."

Ben smiles, licking his lips. "Wanted to make sure you hadn't forgotten."

Poe shakes his head and finally gets the lube open. He coats his fingers. 

"I don't think I could forget about it even if I wanted to. Which I don't," he clarifies. He adds more lube to his fingers. Just in case.

"Good." Ben stretches his legs out, feet shoving the sheets down the mattress, and looks up at Poe expectantly. "I think about it all the time."

Heat zings through Poe at that, even though he's honestly exhausted from coming twice. "Me, too," he admits. He knees up the mattress until he can settle between Ben's thighs. "Probably more than I should."

"Sometimes," Ben says, staring at Poe, "Everyone else is sitting around meditating on being good and I'm daydreaming about taking your dick. A lot of the time, actually."

" _Ben_ ," Poe says, unable to keep from grinning but shaking his head. "Force."

"Just... seems exciting," Ben mumbles. "I feel things with you. I like feeling things. I want – everything."

Poe squirms down onto his stomach, propping up on his elbows between Ben's legs. "I _know_ ," he says. "I want everything too, I just don't want to hurt you while we're doing it, you know?"

"That's not what I meant," Ben says, almost under his breath. But he breathes out and reaches down to sweep Poe's hair out of his face. "I don't care if – I mean, that's nice of you and... thanks."

Poe would say more, but Ben's cock is right there and it's dark pink and pretty and Poe has to get his mouth on it. He pulls Ben's hand away, tangling his tacky fingers with Ben's, and licks cautiously up the shaft.

"Oh, kriff." Ben's head drops back against the pillows. "Missed your mouth. Fuck."

Poe hums in agreement, working up to the head of Ben's cock and licking across the slit. He tastes salty and it's not _good_ , but it's Ben, and Poe has missed this.

Ben is not good at staying still while Poe's doing this: he squirms on the bed, the muscles of his tummy flexing and relaxing, his legs closing over Poe's shoulders and then flopping open again, his hips thrusting up to catch more of Poe's mouth.

Poe lets go of Ben's hand to hold his hip down – he doesn't want to use the hand still slick with lube, but Ben's so squirmy that if he doesn't steady him somehow Poe will never get fingers in him.

"Yes," Ben hisses, long on the soft sound of the 's'. He relaxes as soon as Poe's hand tightens around the cord of his hipbone.

"Good," Poe says, "I'm gonna – " He shifts on his elbows, getting his other hand between Ben's thighs, knuckles brushing his balls carefully.

"Yes, yes, yes," Ben chants under his breath, and images bombard Poe's brain with enough speed that it's lucky Poe is not a person who gets motion sickness.

Poe isn't sure that anything could live up to what Ben's built up in his head, but he's going to try his damnedest. He runs his lips over the vein on the underside of Ben's cock, and gingerly starts feeling around with his fingertips.

Ben moves his hips again, trying to help, probably, but it's – it's not actually that helpful.

"Sorry," Poe pulls away from where he'd been slurping wetly at Ben's cock. "Gotta – look. Where I'm going."

"Just – hurry."

Poe bites back a sigh and just nods, easing back a little on the mattress. Ben raises his leg, splaying it open, and – there's nothing self-conscious about it, the way that Poe would be feeling right now if their roles were reversed.

Ben props himself up on his elbows so that he can watch Poe, and his face is confident and low-lidded. Even if it's also a little sweaty.

Poe leans his head down against Ben's thigh, so he can concentrate, and to hide the flush creeping up his neck. "Did you... uh." Ben's skin is so soft, here, pink and smooth like he's taken his time to prepare for this.

"Told you I've been wanting it," Ben says. There's a little amused smile on his red mouth.

Poe rubs his thumb down the crease behind Ben's balls and across his hole with the lightest possible pressure.

"Poe," says Ben. He's still watching him. "Stop teasing me."

Poe bites at his thigh. "I'm not. 'M being careful."

"You can be careful faster," Ben says, but it sounds like he might laugh. "Come on. Give it to me."

Poe reaches for the slick again, manages to squirt more out one-handed. Better to use too much than too little, right?

Ben's skin is so _soft_. It's surprising, somehow.

Soft and it _gives_ almost immediately at Poe's curious touch, letting him push his thumb inside to the knuckle before Ben clenches a little, legs shaking.

"Is that okay?" Poe asks. He can't quite look away from his hand.

"Yeah," Ben says, and stretches his leg out a little, toes digging into the mattress. "S'fine, just – "

Poe tries kissing the soft inner stripe of Ben's thigh again. It might take more coordination than he has at the moment to suck him and finger him at the same time, but he can try.

When he looks up, Ben's got his hand on his cock again, tugging insistently, though he's only half-hard now. "Don't stop," Ben says, quickly. "It's fine."

"No, it's – " Poe tries to keep his hand very still. "I'm hurting you. Aren't I? I am."

"You're not hurting me," Ben says, sharp. "I've done it plenty of times before on my own. It's just weird at first, okay?"

Poe frowns, but – well, it's Ben's body. He'd know, wouldn't he?

"I want you," Ben says, softer, pleading. "Poe, it's okay."

Poe nods and scoots closer so that he can reach more of Ben with his other hand. 

"What can I do to make it less weird?"

"Put another finger in?" Ben laughs, and Poe can feel it _everywhere_. "Just – if you move a little, that makes it better."

Poe nods and elects to stop caring whether the lube goes everywhere: more is better. He turns his hand and presses his thumb in deeper, tries to stay steady and not get too excited.

He's not exactly sure what to do with the _rest_ of his hand. Maybe he should rethink his technique.

"I'm gonna – " he eases his thumb back, and Ben moans, throwing an arm over his face. "Just hold on," Poe promises, and pets him with the pad of his thumb as he turns his wrist again, rubs his other fingers along the crease of Ben's ass.

It's easier to figure out the angles and the pressure with his middle finger, easier to work out what to do with his other fingers and his elbow and the rest of his body.

Ben whines, but it's a pleased sound, and he presses down against Poe's finger.

"Better?" Poe licks his dry lips and looks up towards Ben's face again.

"Good," Ben says, the most he'll admit that it's an improvement.

It's enough. Poe lets himself feel a little pride as he slides his finger deeper into that warmth and curls it slightly.

"Like that," Ben demands, hips jumping, pressing down hard against Poe's hand. "Fuck, fuck – "

"Okay, yeah, just keep talking to me," Poe says, and he inches closer again so that he can try leaning down to kiss the root of Ben's cock near the neat patch of dark hair.

Ben makes a gurgling sort of sound and shivers all over, grinding up against Poe's face and down again like he can't decide which sensation to pursue.

Poe feels powerful, everything that he feels about Ben all roaring in his chest at once. He rubs his face up the shaft of Ben's dick and sucks a little beneath the head as he turns his finger – there's supposed to be a way to make this really good, and Poe's going to find it.

"Up!" Ben gulps. "Close. Up." He pants before adding, "Please."

Poe raises his head before he _gets it_ , and pushes his finger in a little further, curls it up at the knuckle.

"Fuck!" Ben howls and his leg kicks out at the mattress next to Poe and there's a flutter in Poe's peripheral vision as Ben's arms go straight out at his sides. "Kriff, Poe."

Poe bites down on his lip hard. He rubs the tip of his finger around in gentle circles, and watches as Ben's cock twitches, pre-come making his slit all shiny.

"Can I..." Ben trails off and grunts behind his teeth.

"What?" Poe lifts his head, checking Ben's face. He looks tense, but not in pain, so Poe doesn't stop, although he slows the motion of his finger down slightly.

Ben's face goes redder. "Wanna come on your face."

"Oh," Poe says. "Yeah. Yeah." He rubs at the velvety-sticky skin behind Ben's balls with his thumb. "Did you want... more fingers, first?"

Ben closes his eyes, breathes. 

Everything in him stills, even though Poe can still feel the way his muscles are tense and his blood is pumping fast.

Ben opens his eyes and looks – calmer. But different. "Yeah." He swallows and blinks languidly at Poe. "Open me up."

Poe frowns slightly, but obeys, pressing in the tip of his first finger beside the middle one. "You're okay? I don't have to, I just thought you wanted..." he trails off.

"I'm good, just had to... calm down, a little." For the first time since they got in bed, Ben sounds sheepish.

"Felt like you left me for a minute there," Poe admits, leaning down to kiss Ben's hip. "Anyway, if you came, we'd be even, remember?"

Ben shakes his head and one of his shaky hands cups Poe's cheek. 

"I won't leave you," he says softly. "And I don't want to come yet. But when I do...?"

"I want it all over my face," Poe promises.

Ben's eyes go hot and liquid at that and he drops his hand back to the mattress again. His fingers curl into a fist.

Poe turns his hand a little, easing the second finger all the way in, and crooking them together. It's fascinating, watching part of himself disappear into Ben over and over. And after the initial trepidation, Poe's not worried about hurting him: Ben's taking him so well, it's easy to imagine – 

"I think about it too, you know," Poe whispers. He hooks his free arm under Ben's leg and pulls himself up to be able to nuzzle and lick at Ben's cock again. "Getting my dick in you."

Ben whines, and presses his leg against Poe's shoulder, like he's trying to hold him as close as he can.

"I dream about it," Poe continues, and he punctuates his words with a long, sloppy lick up the length of Ben's cock. "Keeping you under me. Making you mine." He kisses the ridge again. "'Cause I'm yours, you know?"

"Yours," Ben slurs, his hair flopping forward across his hot face.

"Good." Poe sucks down and focuses hard on keeping up the right pressure and pace with his fingers. Delicate touch, like an X-wing. Gotta treat it right.

"Fuck," Ben inhales hard, legs shaking again. "Poe, Poe – "

Unlike Ben, Poe does not have much of a gag reflex. 

Comes in handy.

"No-o," Ben mutters, "I'm gonna, pull off, fuck. Fuck!"

Poe lets himself start to laugh as he pulls back up again just so Ben will feel the movement of his throat and the heat of his mouth.

"Showoff," Ben gasps, laughing too, and comes, shoving himself down on Poe's fingers.

Poe barely gets his eyes closed in time for the hot splashes against his cheek and eyelid.

Ben's hands are on his face again, cupping his cheeks, thumb rubbing hard at the hinge of Poe's jaw, smearing it across his cheekbone.

"Look at you," Ben murmurs. "That's beautiful."

Poe is still laughing a little, licking his lips. "What you imagined?"

Ben nods and leans close enough that his tongue can swipe up Poe's cheek. "D'you mind?"

Poe wrinkles his nose at the sensation, but. He doesn't, really. He shakes his head. "Kinda hot."

Ben noses into Poe's cheek like he can find more filth to kiss away. "Can you take your fingers out for a while? It's a lot, right after."

"Oh, yeah. Course." Poe could smack himself. Ben had clinched down on his fingers when he came and he's still tight enough that Poe winces drawing them free. 

Other than a single high-pitched sound, Ben doesn't seem too bothered. He immediately climbs onto Poe again like a pittin wanting cuddles and pets.

Poe tries to wipe his hand clean in the sheets but it's still a little sticky when he pats Ben's back.

"Was that good?" Ben asks into Poe's neck.

"You were so good," Poe says. His voice cracks on a yawn, making the sentiment even softer.

Ben seems to _luxuriate_ in the praise and the soft touches. He's practically purring.

"We can sleep as late as we want," he says, breath warm against Poe's chest. "And do it all over again."

"Oh, Force." Poe collapses back onto the bed with a _flump_ , Ben heavy and hot atop him. "You're gonna kill me."

* * *

Poe survives through the night, even though he wakes up with his leg asleep under Ben's sleepy deadweight. The four-poster bed is more than big enough for them to spread out, but Ben kept close all night, sweat-hot and shivery.

He's hard, pressed up against Poe's hip, and so is Poe.

Ben's muttering something, in the strange place between sleeping and waking, warm breath against Poe's shoulder.

Poe shifts experimentally, and Ben follows. He'd forgotten about that, somehow, how close Ben keeps in his sleep. It makes something deeper than just arousal bloom in his stomach.

Ben makes a soft noise and curls even closer around Poe's side, his hair soft and ticklish as it nestles against the side of Poe's neck.

Carefully, Poe lifts his arm, wrapping it over Ben's side, and rubbing his back. They're pressed so close that Poe can feel Ben's cock _twitch_ against his hip.

"Mmm," Ben mutters into Poe's shoulder. "You smell nice."

Poe could laugh, but he doesn't want to blast morning breath in Ben's face. "You do too," he whispers. "'m sorry if I woke you up. We don't have to get up."

Ben makes a little pittin sound into Poe's side and smushes his face up against the inside of Poe's arm, like he's trying to burrow right inside Poe's chest. "No getting up. No leaving this bed. Never."

"Alright," Poe says, and traces the arched line of Ben's spine with his fingertips.

Ben finally raises his head; he blinks, bleary, and smiles at Poe. "Your hair looks like a nerf."

"You're drilling a hole through my hip." Poe sticks out his tongue. "I wasn't gonna mention it."

"Yeah." Ben yawns and seems unbothered. "Gonna do somethin' about it?"

"If you want," Poe says. "You were asleep until a second ago!"

Ben shrugs and keeps smiling. He's agreeable in the morning, it seems, the warm sunlight that streams through the balcony doors warming on his skin so that he looks soft and gentle. He nuzzles in at Poe's armpit and kisses his chest, a series of tiny pecks up to his neck. His hand touches sneakily at Poe's hip.

"Ooh." Poe shivers. The leg that had been asleep until Ben shifted his weight tingles something fierce. "Good morning, indeed."

"'S not just me," Ben says, sounding smug, his fingers scratching through Poe's pubic hair and nudging the base of his dick.

Poe shakes his head as his eyes flutter shut again.

"I could get used to this," he mumbles.

Ben grins against his shoulder. "Maybe I'll come visit you at the Academy. Sneak into your bunk one morning – "

"Maybe I'll come visit _you_ ," Poe challenges. "Sneak past Luke kriffing Skywalker and crawl into your cot."

Ben shivers, grinding up against Poe's side. "What would you do?" He asks, breathlessly.

"Keep you." It's all Poe can think to say when Ben is stroking his cock so slow and perfect. "Right next to me."

Ben whines, and rolls his palm over the head of Poe's dick, tightens his grip as he slides his hand down again. "I'd suck you off," he volunteers.

"That, too," Poe agrees. He stretches, pushes his hips into Ben's hand, arms reaching over his head to grip the ornate headboard. "Hide under your blankets and get my mouth on you. Try to make it so you can't stay quiet."

"I'd be good," Ben promises, and lets go of Poe's cock, hand dipping lower and cupping his balls carefully.

Poe opens his eyes and looks over at Ben's face. "I know." He smiles and lets Ben lean in for a kiss, even though neither of them has cleaned their teeth yet. It isn't terrible. Ben's more cautious than usual, just pressing their mouths together, closed-lipped but warm.

Poe really could get used to this. Going to sleep next to Ben, and waking up with him in the morning. Maybe it's just early, but his heart feels loose and full with wanting this again, and again, and again.

Ben cups his hand slightly, like he's experimenting, and leans back, eyes searching Poe's face.

Ben's fingers curl around his balls and Poe jumps at the touch of Ben's fingertips on the sensitive space just behind them. His thighs tense slightly, almost closing around Ben's wrist.

Ben hesitates, and tucks his face against Poe's neck, sliding his hand back up and curling it around Poe's cock.

"Hey," Poe says, "Scoot a little, I can get you, too."

Ben moves back obligingly, although he keeps his head resting against Poe's shoulder.

Poe has just enough room to get his hand around Ben's cock. He loves the way it fits in his hand, loves the way it smells and tastes and feels. He loves _Ben_.

"You don't like it," Ben says, which is so incongruous to all of Poe's current thought-process that it takes him a moment to react, and Ben's quickly adding, "Fingers, I mean. Do you?"

"Hmm?" Poe looks down at Ben. "You mean, like, in – for myself? Not really." He keeps working over Ben's cock, watching the pink head poke through the circle of his fingers.

Ben is very concentrated, watching his own hand slide over Poe's dick. "Oh."

"Is that okay?" Poe asks. "I mean, we can... try it, I guess. Not right now, though."

Ben's eyebrows draw up, bunched. "No, I guess – it's a dumb kid thing, I just thought we'd like all the same stuff."

Poe kisses what he can reach of Ben's hair. "I'm glad we don't. Makes it interesting."

Making a noncommittal noise, Ben shifts his arm, changes his grip on Poe's cock. He's holding it looser now, rubbing his thumb under the head, where it sets Poe's thighs shaking.

"That's so good," Poe praises him. "Love you."

"I could do it good," Ben murmurs. "Read your feelings and your body at the same time and make it something you like. If you want."

"Maybe?" Poe rolls his hips up, fucking Ben's loose fist and closing his eyes. It's hard to imagine why they'd bother when this is so good. When _mouths_ are _so good_.

Ben doesn't move to slide his fingers between Poe's thighs again. Instead, _tighter_ comes begging into Poe's mind.

"Can you – " Ben asks, and squeezes closer against Poe's side again, Poe's hand trapped between them. Ben tightens his own hand, like he's trying to show Poe what he can't quite ask for, and rubs his thumb across Poe's slit.

Poe nods and tightens his grip. He'd give Ben just about anything he asked for.

Ben shudders and holds himself tense for a moment before he's coming, hot and sticky across Poe's fingers and against his side.

"Kriff, that's so hot," Poe groans, and then his mouth goes stupid and his balls and belly are warm and tingly and he comes, too, splattering Ben's chest.

" _Yes_ ," Ben hisses, pressing his face to Poe's bicep, sucking in a deep breath. "Kriffing fuck."

"You're so messy," Poe laughs, taking his hand off Ben's cock to smear the slick across his tummy. "You _like_ being messy."

Ben nods, eyes huge. "If we ran away, we could do this every morning." He nuzzles the underside of Poe's chin before gently sucking a kiss over Poe's Adam's apple.

Poe squirms a little and wipes his hand over Ben's chest, his thumb brushing Ben's nipple. "Where would we live?"

"On the Falcon." Ben rolls onto his back and gestures vaguely towards the window. "My dad and Chewie did it for years."

"Would you really be happy?" Poe props up on his elbow and surveys Ben, the mess drying on his stomach and his soft cock resting against his pale thigh. His messy hair and flushed cheeks. "Living like they did?"

"Maybe." Ben keeps looking at the ceiling. "I don't know what would make me happy. I just know you do."

Poe scoots over and throws his arm across Ben's waist, rests his head on Ben's chest. "That's a lot of pressure to put on a small guy," he says, gently.

"I just..." Ben trails off and shivers to dislodge Poe. He sits, legs over the edge of the bed, before shaking his head. "Never mind."

"Hey," Poe says, worried. "Ben?"

Ben looks over his shoulder and smiles. "I'm fine. Sticky. I'm gonna use the fresher."

"Can I join you?" Poe bites his lip, grins hopefully, not wanting to push.

Ben nods and stands. He seems even taller than the day before.

Poe gives him a head start before following, and Ben’s already in the fresher when Poe enters the bathroom. He pulls the transparisteel door of the stall open just enough to step in behind Ben. "Hey," he mutters, pressing up along Ben's broad back and kissing him between the shoulder blades. "Buddy, you know I'd run away with you if I could. Give me a couple more years, okay? And I'll be done with Academy and we can go wherever you want."

Ben shrugs, face tilted up into the spray of ozone-sharp water. "It was a silly idea. You'll have your posting, and so will I. There'll always be something to make it impossible."

Poe's heart sinks so fast it physically hurts, and he swallows. He doesn't let go of Ben, though, tightens his arms around his waist. They've weathered blacker moods, and Poe will just... Hang on, and it will be alright. "It's not always going to be impossible," he says, quietly. "Come on, it's not – we make it work, now. We always will."

Ben doesn't say anything. Poe keeps holding him, and Ben just breathes.

"Fuck postings," Poe says, a little louder. "I'll come with you, wherever you need to be, I'll – it'll be like in the telenovelas, I'll be your house-husband."

Ben snorts softly. "You and your telenovelas."

"They get some things right," Poe shrugs.

Ben nods. "At least for a while."

Poe kisses the largest freckle on the blade of Ben's shoulder and sighs. "We still have three days left. What if we don't even think about the rest of it until then? Pretend like we really did run away."

"Alright," Ben whispers. It sounds like the water hitting the fresher walls and slipping away down the drain. "Then let's keep running."

* * *

They leave Naboo right after one of Noni’s sumptuous breakfasts, and she presses a ring of five-blossom bread wrapped in paper into Ben’s hands before they board the ship.

"Where to?" Poe asks, booting up the drives and checking the eternally-slipping toggle as Ben slumps into the seat beside him.

"Somewhere big," Ben says. "Somewhere we can get lost and do what we want."

Poe nods. "Coruscant? Or Takodana? Big cities or just _big_?"

"Not Coruscant," Ben says. "I'm sick of Coruscant."

"Right." Poe sets the coordinates for Takodana and checks one of the monitors to be sure BB-8 has bolted itself down in the bay for take-off.

[Roger, Cadet-Poe!] the little training droid beeps. It's a little buggy, still, but Poe is working hard on it and he likes the little thing.

"Hey," Poe says, reaching across the armrests to squeeze Ben's leg. "You ready?"

Ben nods, half-hiding behind his hair. Poe takes the Falcon into hyperspace, and they run.

They land on Takodana just at dinner time, with warm yellow light just fading through the tall buildings of the city Ben picked out from the charts. He'd said Han had taken him there before, and there was a restaurant they could trust for a cheap meal. They’re a hemisphere away from Maz Kanata and her knowledge of their embarrassing baby holos, which seems to lighten Ben’s dark mood a bit.

BB-8 makes a plaintive chirping noise like it might want to follow Poe down the ramp, but technically the droid is still school property. Poe pats its dome on his way past. "You're safer here, buddy," he promises. "We'll be back."

Ben looks back at the ship after they've closed the hatch and jumped down to the grassy Takodana landing field. The whole planet smells of saltwater and chlorophyll, like pure _green_. Poe closes his eyes and tips his head back to let the buttery sunlight warm his face.

Beside him, Ben flips up the hood on his tunic. He’s always burned easily.

Poe laughs and takes his hand, tugs him away towards landing pad and docked ships. He likes seeing what other travelers are flying, and he keeps up a mental catalogue of ships that he can fly versus those he can’t. He wants to be able to fly them _all_. 

Every ship here reminds him of the Falcon: one that has seen better days.

"Recognize anyone?" He asks Ben.

Ben shakes his head. All Poe can see of him is the tip of his nose and his wide, plush lips. "Must not be buy-one-burgle-one day."

"Must not." Poe grins. "You remember where this restaurant is?"

Ben nods. "It's not far. You like Bilbringi pies?"

"You know I do," Poe says, grinning. "Remember when Chewie and L'ulo took us out for them that time?"

"Yeah," Ben says. "These are better. Were. I dunno. I thought they were good when Dad brought me."

"Okay." Poe squeezes his hand. "But this time you won't get to sneeze cheese into Chewie's fur."

"Dammit," Ben sighs.

Poe grins sweetly at him. "Love you," he croons.

"Yeah, alright," Ben shakes his head, tugging his hood back into place when it shifts. "Come on, it's this way." He drags Poe down what looks like a back alley behind one of the hangars, and then up several flights of stairs that lead into an upper layer of the city.

"And this place is safe?" Poe asks.

Ben shrugs. "My dad was willing to bring his kid here, so."

It doesn't look awful – just a bit grungy and old. The store-fronts they pass mostly advertise salvage and used parts, although occasionally there's a small bar or grocery. They go up another level and there's a diner perched above a row of tenements, busier than any other place they've passed so far.

"It smells good," Poe says, surprised. "Nice call."

Ben radiates some pleasure through the general sense of slight unease, and he turns to smile at Poe.

"Take that hood off," Poe says. "You don't need it. I wanna see your face."

Ben pulls it down grudgingly, although he still looks a bit shifty as they step inside. He seems more comfortable once they're seated, at a little booth in the corner with a pane of window that looks directly out across the treetops and setting sun.

Poe reaches across the faintly sticky durasteel grille table to ruffle his fingers through Ben's hair.

"There," he pronounces. "Handsome."

Ben rolls his eyes, but his cheeks are pink, and he kicks at Poe's feet fondly beneath the table.

"Ben Organa-Solo, his highness, as I live and breathe!" The Dug waiter's voice is deep and buzzy as his four-toed feet land on the table. "It's been Standards since I've seen you, young Jedi! What are you doing here?"

Ben looks – mostly embarrassed, but maybe still pleased, beneath it. "I just wanted one of the Bilbringi pies," he sighs, shrugging, like _what can you do_.

The Dug's huge eyes widen still further as it looks into Ben's face. "Your father isn't here, is he? Or your uncle?"

"Nooo," Ben says, making a face. "I would never bring trouble _here_." It's the most he's ever sounded like his father, and Poe has to stifle his giggle.

That's when the Dug seems to notice him. "Your royal consort, Prince Organa-Solo?"

"I'm – you don't have to call me that," Ben says, sinking into his seat. A little further and he’ll be under the table. 

The Dug looks at him again, and its eyes go wider. "Ohhhhh. Oh. Of course. Mr. Ben, sure." It winks, three sets of eyelids closing one after the other over a beetle-black eye. "You have a look at the menu and I'll get you some drinks," it says, and winks again as it heads back to the counter.

Poe carefully does not mention how often Han must have brought Ben here, for the waiter to recognize him after all this time.

"So," he says, instead. "What's good? Do you want to share something?"

"Um." Ben shakes his hair so that he can hide half-behind it again. "They have this – my dad and Luke used to challenge each other, this special where if you can finish a Bilbringi pie the size of a boloball, you get it free. And like a hat or something."

The mental image this conjures for Poe has him holding his stomach with laughter. "I bet we could beat their record."

Ben grins the way he so rarely does anymore, with all of his teeth and his eyes sparkling.

It turns the laughter in Poe's chest to something softer, warmer, has him twining his ankle around Ben's under the table, reaching across to take Ben's hand.

"Alright," Ben says. "That's a plan, then. We don't leave these seats until we leave without paying, and with hats or something."

"Or something," Poe agrees. He rubs his thumb across Ben's broad knuckles and grins at him.

* * *

"That was... amazing," Poe groans as they waddle back to the Falcon. "And you look cute in the hat."

"Fuck off," Ben laughs, and winces. "That was the worst idea ever." 

Poe kindly decides against reminding him whose idea it was.

"I never claimed to have good ideas," Ben says, and he grunts when the Falcon's ramp releases, creaking on its ancient hinge. "Roll me up this."

Obligingly, Poe guides him up with hands on the small of his back. "Maybe we should just stay the night here," he suggests. "Leave in the morning. I don't think I can fly like this. I’m gonna explode."

Ben nods and slumps into the co-pilot's seat, curling up to rest his chin on his knees. "We did it, though. Beat Luke 'n' my dad."

"Told you we could," Poe agrees. "Ugh. I think I'm gonna make some tea, I'm not feeling so great."

Ben nods and closes his eyes. When Poe comes back into the cockpit, he's snoring, his mouth soft and open and his cheek smushed against his knee in Chewbacca's big modified seat.

He looks comfortable enough that Poe doesn't want to rouse him, so he takes his own seat and sends a quick comm to his dad as he drinks his tea, letting the zingbee honey infusion soothe his uneasy stomach until he's drowsy, too.

He does shake Ben's shoulder lightly then. 

"Hey, babe," Poe murmurs. "Do you wanna come back to the bunks to sleep or stay here?"

"Yeah, sure," Ben says, blinking, obviously still asleep. He lets Poe pull him up and guide them back to the bunks.

He's amiable and quiet as he lets Poe guide his hooded tunic up and over his head. Poe kisses Ben's tummy lightly when he kneels down to ease off his boots and heavy pants.

Ben pats his head and shoulder clumsily, hums something inaudible. His face is already buried in Poe's pillow.

Poe cleans his teeth, then has to climb over Ben's sprawled form to get into the bunk.

"Thanks," he mutters, mostly sarcastic, because he's squished up next to the bulkhead with only a corner of blanket.

"Mmmurf," Ben replies, but there's a crease to his face like he's hiding a smile.

Poe's heart hurts with how much he loves him. This trip was a good idea, even if it was Ben's.

* * *

The lulling hum of the engines surrounds everything, and even though there's no _time_ in hyperspace, the soft, constant sound makes it feel like the middle of the night. They left Chandrila an hour ago, after a day of fishing at Lake Andrasha. Poe sets the ship on autopilot and stretches. Ben is still off somewhere in the maze of the ship's corridors, softly banging around as he looks for something to eat.

They have almost seven hours before Poe will need to take the controls again – the longest stretch between planets of their trip – and he rubs his eyes, considers a nap. Maybe he can convince Ben to join him in the bunks for a cuddle.

Poe stands and rubs his face to wake up from the hyperspace hypnosis.

"Ben?" He heads back into the main cabin. "Where are you, babe?"

He'd thought Ben was in the galley, but instead he pokes his head out of the little fresher, his hair damp and shoulders bare. 

"Everything okay?"

"Fine," Poe nods. "I put her on auto, my eyes are going buggy."

Ben smiles at him and steps further out of the fresher. 

All he's wearing is the towel around his waist. Poe blinks, swallows. His eyes aren't so bleary that he can't appreciate that sight.

Poe's brain is stuck on three nights ago, Ben stepping closer to him in the mirror pool, water shimmering in the dark around them, waist-deep. "Uh," he says. "Good idea, I should – shower."

Ben's smile stretches across his lips from one side to the other, and Poe can only imagine what feelings he's projecting through the Force right now.

But Ben just steps up close and kisses the top of Poe's head. "Good idea. You stink."

"Hey," Poe says, frowning, but Ben pushes past him before he can think of a retort. 

There's still a good few minutes of blisteringly hot water left in the fresher, and Poe scrubs his hair clean, rubs himself down with the old-fashioned bar of soap that hangs around the faucet on a loop of twine.

He doesn't bother getting dressed again after he dries off. He'd be shocked if Ben has on more than that towel when he finds him again, anyway.

He's proven right when he steps into the bunks: Ben's stolen his pillow, and the way the sheet drapes around his waist is proof enough that he's naked beneath it.

"Took you long enough," Ben says, grinning.

"Well," Poe rolls his eyes as he shucks the towel and folds it over the bunk ladder, "I didn't want to offend your princely nose."

Ben sniffs exaggeratedly. "Smell good now, though." He scoots to the back of the bunk, watching Poe shake out his hair again before he climbs into bed.

Ben immediately pushes his fingers through Poe's bangs and starts rearranging them.

"Love your hair," Ben murmurs. "It's so soft."

"I like yours," Poe says. "It actually _does_ things, mine just flops." He scoots closer, draping his arm over Ben's narrow waist.

"Yours does things to me." Ben looks pleased with himself when Poe rolls his eyes and dramatically flops face-first into Ben's chest, groaning.

Ben's skin is so pale, here, that Poe barely has to put any pressure into his kisses to turn them into more permanent markings.

Ben is marked all over from the last few days together, and Poe would feel bad if Ben didn't act like the mouth-shaped bruises and fingernail moons were honor medals.

And the bruises that Poe leaves always fade quickly: those that he's kissing over now are new, from last night. There are still marks on Poe that Ben left the first night. Poe likes thinking that they're almost tattoos. It probably helps that Ben keeps touching up the love bite on Poe's neck. Every time they start fooling around, he latches onto it anew and sucks it dark again.

There's a planet in the Outer Rim where a humanoid species mark each other on the throat at their bonding ceremonies. Iolo told Poe about it, and it still makes Poe shiver. It sounds sort of appropriate. Like a mark for everyone to see how the person you love is branded on your heart.

Iolo is definitely going to mock Poe about this for at least a week, when they get back to their lives. _Did you deflower the Jedi yet?_

Somehow it doesn't fill Poe with the same embarrassed nerves as it would have at the beginning of their trip. He – it's not that he _forgets_ how much he loves Ben when they're apart for cycles at a time. It's just that now he's so high on remembering.

Ben hums lightly, tugs at a curl behind Poe's ear. "You feel... happy."

"I am happy," Poe agrees. "Why wouldn't I be? Here with you."

Poe can feel Ben hard up against his belly, but he's not pushing for anything. The moment feels different than before. Clearer.

"I can just feel it," Ben says. "More like the actual thoughts. It's nice."

Poe kisses Ben's chest. "I'm glad." 

The ship hums around them, hurtling through stars.

Ben exhales, nuzzling at Poe's hair, and rubs his back in big sweeps of his hands. "What if we didn't go back?"

Poe doesn't answer. It’s the second time Ben has hinted that he wants to make this trip more permanent. Everything is so sweet right now, and maybe Ben just needs to talk it out. He's been changing without Poe noticing; maybe there's a reason.

"Just take the Falcon and go somewhere no one could find us," Ben says, softer.

Poe tries to keep his feelings level so that Ben can't sense his...

Poe's not sure how he feels about that. Sad. Confused. Tempted.

Ben laughs a little, dry, warm into Poe's hair at his temple. "I know. S'not realistic. Just. It's nice to pretend, sometimes."

Poe lifts his head enough to smile softly at Ben, more eyes than lips. "Like we're the only people in the galaxy. We _are_ , right now, you know, babe. It's just us for lightyears."

"Just us," Ben repeats, and sighs again, wraps his arms tight around Poe's back. "You promise?"

Poe shuffles up to kiss Ben's mouth. "Of course."

Ben kisses him back very softly, nudging his nose up against Poe's and tilting his chin to give Poe a better angle.

This position presses Poe's cock up against Ben's, both trapped snug between their bellies. Heat spreads through Poe at the pressure and the way that Ben sucks at his tongue.

Shivering, Ben eases his legs open, letting Poe settle down between them. When Poe opens his eyes, taking a quick breath before another kiss, Ben's looking up at him, eyes wide and nearly reflective.

 _Now_ , Ben sends quietly into Poe's mind. The urgency of the first night together is gone, like Ben trusts, now, that Poe is really here with him. 

_Please_ , comes not even a second after, and Ben's lips move to shape the word even though he doesn't say it aloud.

Poe tries his hardest to send back _yes, yes, yes_. He's definitely feeling it, but he hopes that Ben is able to pick up love and joy and anticipation on top of the arousal.

Ben leans back a little, biting his lip. "Really?" _Are you sure, do you really, do you want me? You want me?_

"There's no one else I'd want," Poe says, feeling a rush of honesty and affection so strong it almost makes his toes tingle. "You're it for me. Are – you're sure it's okay with your Jedi stuff?"

Ben smiles, and kisses Poe again. "I told you, most of my family figures we've already done it. Luke doesn't care about that."

Poe still isn't sure he likes that, that Han Solo and Princess-General Leia Orfuckinggana think he's been screwing their son for entirely too many years, apparently, but at the moment – 

At the moment, they're the only people in the galaxy, and it feels less like it matters.

Ben seems slightly apologetic to have brought that up, kissing Poe a little harder and wrapping his arms around Poe's neck tightly.

"Love you," Ben croons. "And I've been so good for the last few days, right?"

Poe laughs. "Yeah, you have. Maybe you need a reward."

Ben lights up, both on his face and in Poe's head with a white purr of satisfaction. Ever since they were tiny, the best way to get Ben to do anything was to promise him a reward. He wriggles beneath Poe, rubbing his cock up against Poe's stomach and clutching at his shoulders.

Poe exhales shakily against Ben's neck. "Do you wanna get off like this first?"

Ben shakes his head. "No, I just. Want you in me."

Poe bites his lips together so that he doesn't groan out loud. This is it, this is _right_.

Ben kisses his mouth open like he's trying to taste the sounds.

Poe gifts him a little moan as Ben's thighs shift open further beneath him. Poe's hips sigh down to fill the empty space and Ben wraps his legs around Poe's waist to keep hold of him.

He digs his heels into the back of Poe's thighs, pulling him in, and Poe moans again when he grinds his cock down against Ben's balls, the base of his cock.

"Love you," Poe mutters. "Where's the slick? Condoms? Are you – comfortable?"

"Yeah," Ben breathes, "In the bag, but we don't – I mean, we need the slick, but. And I kind of wanted to do it on our knees?" His face is bright, and he wrinkles his nose.

Poe pulls back far enough that he can kiss their noses together, a tiny touch. "Anything you want. Whatever you want."

"There's enough room," Ben says, quickly. "It's supposed to be better from behind."

"Okay," Poe says. He'd like to see Ben's face, but there'll be time for that. Forever, if they're lucky and the feeling in Poe's gut is right.

Ben kisses him again, like he knows what Poe's thinking. "Do you want me to get the slick, or – "

Poe nods, and then one of Ben's hands leaves his hair just long enough to summon the tube of slick with the Force. It's much lighter than it was when they landed on Naboo.

"Do you want me to do it?" Ben asks, hushed.

Poe shakes his head and draws his hands all down the length of Ben's slim torso as he sits back on his knees. "I wanna, unless you'd rather. I like how you feel."

"I like the way you feel," Ben agrees, and then his mouth turns up wickedly. "Gonna like the way your cock feels."

Poe mutters _kriff_ and a little too much lube slops onto his fingers.

Ben smirks.

"You're gonna like it too," Ben says, sweetly. "How I feel when you've gotten me all ready – "

His words cut off with a small, hot sound when Poe draws his wet finger in a circle over Ben's opening. They've done this so much in the last few days that Poe isn't worried about hurting him, not with his fingers, anymore.

Ben sighs instead of finishing his sentence, and works his hips, rubbing against Poe's fingertips eagerly.

It's an easy slide with just his middle finger in to the first knuckle, then the second, pulsing in and out a few times.

Ben whines and throws his head back in the pillow, digging his heel harder against Poe's thigh where their legs are still tangled in the sheets.

"Is that good?" Poe asks. It's a rhetorical question: he can tell from the clock-ticks of purple-red fog that Ben is radiating into his mind that it's good.

Ben nods sharply, gasping. "More, Poe, come on."

"Just be patient," Poe murmurs. He slides in a second finger all the same, tucked close together the way Ben likes.

"Been patient," Ben moans. "I want _you_."

"You have me," Poe promises. "And you'll get more. Everything I got."

Ben shivers again, but he seems placated, reaches down to touch Poe's shoulder. "That's good," he mutters. "I can take more."

Poe drags kisses along Ben's collarbone just to watch the goosebumps prickle his pale skin. 

"I know. But there's no rush." He looks up at Ben with mischievous eyes. "Maybe I'll just do this all night."

"I'll die," Ben groans. "Come on, don't – don't be mean."

Poe snorts a quiet laugh as he moves to lick over one of Ben's small, hard nipples. It takes a little forethought to rearrange his hand so that he can start to work a third finger inside of Ben, but they'd managed it before.

Ben whines, high in his throat, and arches his back, pushing further up against Poe's mouth and fingers. He's too distracted for any distinct thoughts to make their way to Poe, but there's a near-constant wave of feelings, brushing up against Poe's mind and back like a rising tide.

"Wait," Ben grits, "Gonna come; stop."

"Sorry," Poe says immediately, "sorry – " taking his mouth off Ben's chest and holding his fingers very still. He bites his lip, looking down between them at the way Ben's cock is twitching slightly against his belly.

Ben goes still, too, breathing in that way that Poe associates with Jedi meditation, some kind of – attempt at calming himself that rarely seems to really work, for Ben.

This time, whether by meditation or sheer force of will – and Poe's not sure what the difference or overlap might be – Ben takes a deep gulping breath and goes limp against the sheets again. His eyes are still shut, but his body's relaxed a little beneath Poe, around his fingers. "Okay. I think. You can move again."

Poe bends his head to kiss Ben's chest where it's softest, below his sternum and above the concave of his belly. "Let me know when you're ready for... Let me know when you're ready, and we can do it." 

_Do it_ , Ben snorts into Poe's mind. _Sexy._

"Have sex," Poe rolls his eyes. "Fuck. Is that better, your highness?"

Ben's face is softer than Poe would have thought. Open. It's his favorite version of Ben. 

"Yes," Ben says. "That'll do."

Poe kisses him again, right where he can feel his heart pounding through so much soft skin, and crooks his fingers experimentally. "Are you sure you're ready?"

"I've been ready," Ben says. All bravado again. "I've been waiting for you." _Yes_ , murmurs Ben's mind. _I trust you._

Poe doesn't quite trust himself, so the fact that Ben does makes him shiver. "I don't want to hurt you," he mumbles, trying to get his fingers free. "You have to tell me if I do, okay?"

Ben's tongue is very pink where it pokes out to wet his lower lip. "Okay. I – if it hurts too bad, I will."

"Especially if we're going to do it like – from behind," Poe insists. "I won't be able to see your face, you _have_ to tell me, Ben."

Ben studies Poe's face for a minute, like he's gauging how Poe's emotions and expression fit together. Then he nods, and he wriggles enough that Poe slips his fingers free.

Poe reaches for the lube again immediately, squirting it out over his sticky fingers and cock messily.

Ben hesitates, propped up on his elbows. When Poe looks up, Ben launches himself at Poe and kisses him, arms and legs all damp with sweat where they're clutched tight around Poe. It's a warm kiss, eager and firm and surprisingly gentle considering Ben knocked the wind out of Poe's chest.

"I'm really glad you want to," Ben says, all in a rush against Poe's ear.

Poe holds Ben close and runs his hand down the back of Ben's neck, smoothing out the tension there.

"'Course I want to," Poe says. "Just wanted it to be the right time."

He can feel Ben's teeth as he smiles up against Poe's shoulder. They sway for a moment, up on their knees in the bunk, like there's music playing even though there's only the hum of the hyperdrive and the purr of the engines.

Ben reaches down between them and finds Poe's cock. There's a moment of relief and then smugness, translated to Poe, which makes him laugh.

"Can't believe you really want me," Ben says, and bites his lip. "Every bit of you is gorgeous."

"You're gorgeous," Poe snorts. "Ben, you're incredible, you've grown so much, you're all. Big."

Ben strokes down Poe's cock and quirks an eyebrow. "You're all big, too."

Poe rolls his eyes. Even _he_ didn't make that joke.

"I'm not actually that – " he sighs. It's not worth arguing. "You're just trying to make me blush, now."

Ben nods, grinning, and plops a kiss on Poe's forehead. "Are you gonna fuck me now?"

"I guess," Poe says, pretending to be longsuffering about it.

Ben gives Poe's cock one more good, firm pull and then his warm skin isn't pressing to any of Poe anymore. He turns, arranges the thin bunk pillow.

Poe shakes his head, wraps his own hand around the base of his cock and holds very still for a moment. Ben's long legs fold under him and his back is a smooth curve, his small ass in the air.

It's cute, and Poe has the strongest urge to start giggling, and it's mostly low-grade anxiety but it's also just – it's Ben! Ben whom he's known forever!

Ben turns his face sideways in the pillow and looks back at him, and he's smiling too.

"Okay," Poe says, trying to school his face. "Okay. Ready?" He runs his hands along Ben's sides and over his bum, spreading him open with gentle thumbs.

Ben just nods, pushes his face back into the pillow. _Come on,_ he's thinking. _Just do it._

It feels – it feels different than Poe would have thought, when he presses the tip of his cock against Ben's opening.

Ben laughs in the pillow, shifting on his knees, further back against him. _What did you think it would feel like?_

"Dunno," Poe mumbles. He's trying to concentrate, thank you. "Somehow didn't expect... like. Skin."

Ben's laughing so hard now, muffled as it is, that he's clenching up, back heaving as his ribs expand.

"Shut up," Poe whines. "It's not like I've done this before, you know!"

Ben exhales hard and shakes his head, hair flopping everywhere. "Kriffing hell, Poe."

Poe bends over Ben's broad back and nips at the knobble at the top of Ben's spine. "Kriffing hell yourself."

Ben wriggles back against him, grinding his ass against Poe's cock. "Come _on_."

Poe pulls in a cold breath through his teeth. It isn't so hilarious now, not when he can feel the heat coming off of Ben and he's so, so close to being able to fit himself inside.

"Please," Ben adds, softer.

Ben makes a sharp noise when Poe works the tip of his cock into him, and then a little more and a little more until all at once the whole head is engulfed in twitching heat.

There's nothing but a brilliant white _buzz_ between them, like Ben can't even _think_.

"You okay?" Poe manages.

"Yeah," Ben mumbles. "'Kay."

Poe can feel the tightness in Ben's muscles, though, so he tries to calm his own breathing enough that he can project _peace_ towards Ben as he strokes over the long lines of his sides and hips and thighs with soft hands.

Slowly, incrementally, Ben relaxes, and Poe can feel his chest moving again with deep breathes.

Poe sinks a little deeper, and Ben's muscles inside all work around him in dancing flickers.

Ben groans, a vibration Poe can feel under his palm on Ben's shoulder.

"Bad?" Poe pants.

"No?" Ben shakes his head, turns a little so that his flushed cheek and forehead are visible. "No."

Poe nods, and he's quietly glad deep in the pit of his stomach that Ben at least says it's not bad. For _him_ , it's fucking amazing.

"Are you gonna move?" Ben eases up a little on his knees.

"Yeah," Poe says. "I can do that."

Ben grunts, and shifts again, hands clenching in the sheets.

"Relax," Poe mutters. "Please?"

"Kind of hard with a _dick in my ass_ ," Ben says, sounding like it's coming out from clenched teeth.

"I can stop," Poe offers, even though something traitorous in his gut groans _don't_.

"Don't," Ben hisses. "Don't, I'm fine. It's fine, just. If you'd _move_."

"Okay!" Poe feels a little wild as he obeys, pushes further into Ben with a big gulping breath.

Ben's back arches, one knee slipping a little on the sheets, his legs spreading wider, and he moans but Poe can't tell if it's out loud or just in their heads.

It's easier, when he's wider open like that, to knee a little closer and slide, slide, just another inch.

"Ohhh," Ben says, definitely out loud this time.

Poe makes a noncommittal noise back and rubs Ben's waist, wrapping his hands around him as much as he can.

Ben's mind likes that, clings to it, a rush of pleased, hopeful feeling about being touched and touching.

Poe leans down and starts to kiss along whatever of Ben he can reach. He mostly lands on the sharp ridges of his ribs, but he can feel Ben's heart beating in the spaces between them.

"You can – " Ben takes a breath. "It's okay." He still wants Poe to move, although it's more tentative, coming through their connection.

Poe nods, his nose brushing against the crest of Ben's back, and he tries pulling out a little instead of pushing the rest of the way in. They'll work up to that, maybe, the way they did with his fingers.

Ben whines and tenses around him, like he's afraid Poe might be drawing back permanently.

"Shhh," Poe murmurs, and rocks back towards him. _Kriff, fuck_ , he wants Ben to like this.

Ben makes a soft noise, like the breath's gone out of him, even though his ribs are expanding under Poe's hands steadily again.

"That's it," Poe encourages him. "Just breathe for me, okay?"

Ben nods, face still pushed into the pillow, and – Poe thinks he might be imagining it at first, but – slowly pushes back against him.

Poe's heart stutters and he does another one of those breathless, out-of-control little laughs. He squeezes Ben's hips in a little happy pulse.

"You're not hurting me," Ben says, mumbled. "You can – it's okay."

Poe nods and hopes that Ben can see it or feel it or – sense it, something.

Ben reaches for him, hands balled in the pillow but something soft and warm grabbing for Poe nonetheless. It takes Poe a moment to realize it's in his mind.

"Love you," Poe whispers out loud.

"Mm-hmm," Ben grunts, shifting his knees a little wider on the mattress.

Poe keeps moving his hips in little dips, in and out but not too far either direction. It's good – tight and hot and he can feel Ben's muscles moving and his blood rushing and his heart pounding through his body – but he's trying to be... respectful. Or careful. Careful, Poe thinks. That's it.

Ben shifts, getting one arm under himself, and Poe can hear the sticky sound of him wanking, a quicker rhythm than Poe's movements.

"Sorry," Poe mutters, and he leans further over Ben, "I should've – "

"It's okay," Ben says, as if he's really going to comfort Poe. It's such a reversal that it makes Poe almost giggly again. "I just – needed."

"I'm glad," says Poe. It's true.

"It's better," Ben says. "When you're moving. You don't have to stop."

Poe nods again and trusts that Ben knows. He moves faster, still not shoving in too deep, trying to keep the strokes even and shallow.

Ben moans, and pushes back a little more fiercely. "I want – can you – " _you're so close_ , he thinks, desperate for Poe to understand, _if you'd just do it like you do with your fingers_.

"Yeah," Poe breathes, "I can try." He holds Ben's thin hips in his hands and pulls him _up_ a bit, trying to find the right angle. It's harder this direction, because he can tell when he's facing Ben, now, but it's like trying to reverse-engineer a landing coordinate in his head. While he's trying not to get off too fast and ruin everything.

Ben _oofs_ , his supporting arm flailing for a moment, and Poe can't think about how hot it is that he can move him so easily, or this will be done way too soon.

"Tell – me – when," Poe grunts, his hips moving in incremental degrees as he tries different angles here and there.

"It's – " Ben sighs harshly and grinds back on Poe's cock – and goes still, like the very first time. Poe rocks forward without really meaning to, it just feels so good, and Ben moans, his thighs shaking against Poe's. "That's – you're – fuck. Fuck."

" _Kriff_." Poe jolts just a little more than he meant and now he's – all the way inside, Ben's ass pressed up against his hips.

"Fuck," Ben says, again, faintly this time. "Poe."

"Ben," Poe says back, and it's all he can think about. _Ben_. It's all he _knows_. Ben.

Something touches Poe's calf and he nearly startles before he realizes it's Ben's toes.

Poe wants to be touching more of Ben. But he can't; every inch of him that could be touching Ben is already pressed into him. Somehow, it doesn't feel like enough.

"It's okay," Ben says again, like he knows. "I'm close, are you – "

Poe nods, his nose and lips and forehead each taking a turn to brush over the wing of Ben's shoulder blade.

Ben leans forward and then pushes back, his ass making a soft sound as it hits Poe's hipbones.

"Fuck," Poe murmurs. "That's good, that's so good, you're so good."

Ben's feedback is like a _flare_ , blinding behind Poe's eyelids, and he does it again, harder this time.

"You're so good for me," Poe praises him quietly, talking right up into his hair.

Ben whines, lifting his head for the first time, straining his neck back against Poe's shoulder.

Poe smiles and wraps one of his arms around Ben's ribs so he can run his thumb over one of Ben's nipples. "You like being good for me, don't you."

Ben jerks, whole body shivering, and something warm spatters up Poe's arm as Ben's body bears down on his cock.

"Force," Poe chants against the back of Ben's neck, "Force, Force, Force."

"Please," Ben says, breathless, "I need you to – you have to – "

"Gonna," Poe promises him. Oh, is he ever.

"Poe," Ben pleads, and he's still shivering in Poe's arms, head dropping towards the pillow again.

Poe has to pull back so that he can brace his hands on Ben's hips, but it won't take long. Then he can fold over Ben again and kiss him and kiss him.

Ben moans when Poe grips his waist, pushing his face into the pillow.

"So good," Poe mutters as he moves faster.

Ben nods like that's all he wanted out of this, really, was for Poe to think that he's _good_. And he does, Poe does, Ben is the _best_.

"Please," Ben moans, his leg twitching a little, and it can't be comfortable, splayed and on show like this after he's come.

"Okay, I – just – " Poe bites his lip and screws his eyes shut. He could pull out of Ben and finish with his hand, give Ben a break, but – 

"No," Ben hisses, turning his face in the pillow, creases across his flushed cheek. "Just – come on."

Poe makes a noise like he's been punched when he comes, all breathless and wrung-out. He shivers and shivers and flops over Ben's back, heavy and spent.

Ben's leg gives out, and they sort of collapse, tangled, flat on the mattress. Ben turns his face further, peering at Poe.

Poe makes a noise that he means to sound concerned and caring, and he noses up to find Ben's lips for a kiss.

Ben lets himself be kissed for a moment and then pulls back a little. "Was that okay?"

"Oh," Poe nuzzles at Ben's neck. "I should be asking you, shouldn't I? Yeah, Ben, you were perfect. You're always perfect."

Ben shivers, and Poe can feel it from his shoulder down his spine, and then from the inside-out again.

Poe kisses the nape of Ben's neck. "I mean it. I love you." He shifts his hips, pulling back from Ben's body gently. "Was – was _I_ okay?"

Ben makes a face, but Poe's making the same one at the awkward _pull_ it takes for them to separate. "Yeah," Ben says, belatedly. "It was what I wanted."

Poe swallows. His heart is still thumping fast, and he wants to cuddle Ben into his arms and keep him close, but... "Is that it?"

Ben frowns. "What? I mean, it was good, is that... what you mean?" He seems slightly confused at why Poe is asking.

Poe nods, his cheeks flushed. "Yeah, that's what I meant."

Ben shifts a little, getting his arm out from under himself. "That's what _I_ meant. When I said it was what I wanted."

Poe nods. "Okay. I just... I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Scrunching his nose up, Ben bats gently at Poe's arm with his fist. "No. It feels weird now, but it's not like. You didn't _hurt_ me."

Poe smiles and lies down to pull Ben close again. Ben shuffles until his ear is pressed flat over Poe's chest so that he can listen to his heart beating. His hair and warm puffing breath tickles at Poe's skin.

"Maybe I could clean up in a minute, though," Ben says, quietly. "I don't think I can sleep like this."

"Okay," Poe agrees. "I could bring you a washcloth now if you want?"

Ben nods, shifting a little. There are goosebumps on his arm, and across his shoulder blades.

A vague, soft image fuzzes through Poe's mind of Poe licking Ben clean between his legs instead.

Ben pushes his face back into the pillow. Even his ears are red.

Poe chews his lower lip. That's – that seems like a lot.

"I'll just shower," Ben mumbles. “It’s, um. Better than a washcloth.”

Poe nods. "Okay. I – maybe another time? I've just never, you know."

Ben sits up, wincing, and rubs at his face. "No, it's. I wasn't asking. I didn't mean for you to see that."

"It's okay," Poe says, and he touches Ben's arm with his whole hand, warm and sure. "We can – I mean, I think you know more like, sex things, than I do, but you can ask for what you want, and... maybe not right away, but?"

Ben pulls away a little, but he doesn't look angry, just embarrassed. "Yeah. I'm gonna – " He gets up awkwardly, too fast and then too careful, walks slowly towards the fresher.

Poe waits until the loud curtain of sonic sound starts up, and then he scrubs his hands over his face. He yawns and stumbles out of the bunk to find his pants, but doesn't bother with a shirt before walking down the corridor back to the cockpit. They're still shooting through hyperspace on autopilot, everything around the ship a blur of blue lightstreaks.

It seems like the galaxy should be more different now.

He expects to have more time to think about it, but the white noise from the fresher cuts off after only a couple minutes, and he hears Ben's voice from the bunks again. "Poe!"

Poe checks the troublesome toggle before standing again. "Yeah?" He starts back down the hall. "You okay?"

Ben turns around from facing the bunks, his face smoothing out, water dripping out of his fringe. 

"Yeah," he says. "I just – you weren't in bed." He shrugs, but it looks too casual to be comfortable.

Poe's heart swells three sizes. He holds out his arms and waits to see if Ben wants a hug. "I was just making sure we weren't crashing into an asteroid."

Ben nods and steps forward, wrapping his arms around Poe's waist and ducking his head to rest against Poe's neck. "Do we still have time to sleep some?"

"Sure." Poe kisses Ben's ear. He grins and shimmies Ben playfully. "Bedtime for bantha cubs?"

Ben bites Poe's collarbone at the reference to their many, many, many sleepovers as tiny kids, making Luke or Han or Kes or Shara read the same book many, many, many times.

They sway slowly closer to the bunk, although Ben pulls away before Poe can tug him down, sits down primly on the edge of the mattress instead.

Poe bites his lip and can't help the flush that zings through him. He's why. He – it's not that he likes that Ben is sore, but something in his chest roars anyway.

Ben glances over at him and grins shyly. "Shut up."

"No, I..." Poe shakes his head and shucks his pants again. He can't sleep in denim civvies. "It's kinda sexy."

Ben laughs, startled. "That I can't walk straight?"

"I..." Poe shrugs, helpless. "Yeah. Sorry, that's fucked up."

Ben's smile goes crooked. "No, I like it. Even if it is fucked up." He looks oddly pleased about it.

Poe has to smile back, and then they're both staring at each other grinning until Ben snorts, and that makes Poe laugh, and they're both laughing and falling over onto the bunk.

"Ow," Ben says, rolling over to give Poe more room, and tugging the covers up over them both.

"I'm sorry," Poe croons, and he lies flat so that Ben can curl over his side however is most comfortable. "What can I do?"

Ben huffs, settling in against Poe and squirming until he decides he can relax. "Rub my back?" It what he always wanted when they were little – Poe knows his mom used to do it for him.

Poe keeps his hands light and smooth as he draws circles over Ben's back, pale skin dotted with moles like braille. "Of course."

"Maybe we can do it again before you leave?" Ben asks, sometime later, when Poe's fingers have slowed to a sleepy pace.

"You sure?" Poe half-slurs the words through a yawn.

"Yeah," Ben says. His mouth is moving right above Poe's nipple, and it's almost ticklish if Poe weren't so tired. "I wanna remember what it's like."

Poe nods, sniffing. That's silly, he thinks; there will be more times after this. Hundreds. Thousands, probably. 

They have the rest of their lives ahead of them.

**Author's Note:**

> This title (and the series title, and all of the other ones' titles) come from "Since feeling is first" by e.e.cummings. Next up: probably either Snap or Jessika?


End file.
